Well, yeah, but ya see, theres this thing…And its called first person perspective…
Short Story / The difference between the $6.50 I get and the $900 .00 the owner gets.
Three $900 hours. Three. In a row. Thanks a lot Mr. Pennybags. God I hate monopoly. And McDonalds. Combined its sort of an exponential thing, and it’s a good thing I payed attention in math class enough to know what exponential means, cause hopefully that will get me into college, and I’ll never have to deal with that sort of bullshit ever again.
It’s really kind of amusing to me though, how I’ve worked a previous food job, and I came back for more, out of desperation really. I guess after a five month job search, anybody would be glad to work under the golden arches, gateway to western part of hell. I am firmly convinced that fast food is a crime against humanity. It kills its clients, demoralizes its employees, and it turned me vegetarian. I grew up in a down home meat eating redneck household, and hear I am, denouncing the steaks and burgers I once loved. But then again, if you knew that McDonalds burgers came from some random Argentian slaughterhouses, would you want to eat there? Would your kids? How many times have you lied to your kids about where there food comes from?
And I here I am. So desperate for something new and different that I’m gonna go and apply at Burger King soon. I’m 18. I’m healthy. I’m a good worker. Why will no one else hire me? Is it just the nature of the machine now, that you need a college degree a job at the mall? Did I miss something? Why do we put up with this fast food heirarchy?
If only parents would learn to cook for their kids, I’d be a lot more satisfied with life right now.
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FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
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cdnsurfer reviewed Version 1 -
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POV: 1st person.
CHARACTER: Well, this comes across as a blog or rant, so it’s really the writer in all tell. So, here, we go no real sense of ego other than as the voice for the writer’s point of view.
PLOT/THEME: Well, there is no plot here – no beginning, middle and end. The theme comes across strongly, a rant against fast food. You might want, if you want this to be a story, to bring in more scenery and move to an active voice.
STRUCTURE: Well, it’s a blog/journal. 7th sentence, 1st paragraph really needs to be broken down. Copy-edit stuff:
“Three in a row.”
“alot”
“God, I hate monopoly and McDonalds.”
“it’s” not “its”
“paid” not “payed”
“because” not “cause”
“here” not “hear”
“Argentinian” not “Argentian”
“where their food” not “where there food”
“And I here I am.” – drop the first “I”
“hierarchy” not “heirarchy”
Quite the rant. I hear you. Nothing changes really. That is the nature of it, the only places where a kid can get a job without some particular skill or education; but I’m sure it’ll change once you are in college. Good luck.
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Korp reviewed Version 1 -
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More of a rant than a short story.
“that you need a college degree a job at the mall?”
I think a word’s missing here.
“Combined its”
Apostrophe needed for the “its.”
The first part is funny, but that still doesn’t make this a short story. :\
squarehopper reviewed Version 1 -
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EAnonymous reviewed Version 1 -
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KayPaladin reviewed Version 1 -
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This could be a great story, people love to know what goes on behind the scenes at other people’s jobs, plus about half of America worked at fast food places when they were teenagers. I did, and I read your piece wondering how your experience compared to mine.
More detail would be good. What does go on in Argentina’s slaughterhouses? What was it like to apply for other jobs? Exactly HOW does McDonalds demoralize its employees? How did those other interviews go?
And mostly, what point are you making besides that working there stinks? Once you know that, your story will have a focus.
It was an interesting read. Keep up the good work!
The_August_Kid reviewed Version 1 -
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I really wouldn’t consider this a short story at all. This is more of an essay type of thing. Just your insight on situations in life. It’s all good but really shouldn’t be in the short story section. So i see being the best short story on urbis pretty much impossible. Still a decent read though.
Hermandune78 reviewed Version 1 -
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I totaly agree with you!
I have a 5 year old daughter and as a chef I make sure that she gets nothing but good food. Every now and then I will take her to burger king out of the two I think this place is the slightly lesser evil.
I do have to say though I don’t think people realise how easy it actually is to cook your own meals and at least then you know how it was made and what has been put in it.
Personally my argument is the same with all big named brands such as nike, addidas etc. everyone should boycott them for a certain amount of time and they would soon bring prices down and make them at a higher quality.
Hopefully enough people will read this piece and it will get them to think for at least a moment.
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