I had a problem with that also. I was trying to make it an adult viewpoint & not just a parent but I thought of the late night call from the police & it kind of wrote itself.
I also agree that it sounds very poetic to me also.
Thank you for your kind review.
Lyrics / Snapshots of a Life
The first faint wail, those chubby cheeks
No sleep at all that week
Wobbly steps, one candle cake
New discoveries when you’re awake
The terrible twos are hard to take
Then it’s school, learning to write
Missing teeth are quite a sight
Riding a bike, another skinned knee
Cheering during the spelling bee
Finding a good climbing tree
Snapshots of a life
On to high school, those football games
It will never be the same
College plans, go out on dates
Take a look at those insurance rates
Curfew is not open to debate
Moving out, apartment life
Not yet looking for a wife
In bed sleeping, the cops on the phone
Your child won’t be coming home
He’ll never be fully grown
Snapshots of a life
A young life ended – (pause) in a senseless crime
all we have are memories
all we want is time. . .
We see them as snapshots
visions tumbling by
tears falling as we say goodbye. . .
No more snapshots in his life
CRS 9/26/07
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guild reviewed Version 1 -
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Even though this was really sad, I see the wonderful talent that you have in these lyrics and I thought they were well written.
I wouldn’t change anything about them. The only negative thing that I can say about them is, I don’t know how commercial they would be. But, I’m sure that wasn’t your intention when you wrote them.
Good job this and take care.
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cooljim102055 reviewed Version 1 -
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hi there,
i like your lryic and it has a message there also ..i think you started the song good and the format is alright if you add a 3rd verse like the first two or take material from the first two verses too make a third verse placing the title at the end like you did the first two..and you would have a conventional..v/v/b/v/ pattern..those middle six lines being the bridge. good like with your rewrite.it’s a good title and idea..don’t let it go to waste.
ElectricLove reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the cresendo of the boy’s life from “The first faint wail, those chubby cheeks” to his death.
Its really well constructed and its unusualness adds to how good it is.
I think this is more of a poem than lyrics though although to sing it would be really good and i can imagine the melody underneath.
I think alot of parents and parents to be will appreciate this as to lose some one you gave life to must be pretty bad.
My only critism is ur description on how the boy died. I get that he moved out but you swoop back to the parents “sleeping in bed” which slightly confused me
otherwise i think this has alot of potential
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