Lyrics / Still Life (Analysis)

I could definitely see this put to music – it has a very lyrical quality to it!

Overall, I definitely enjoyed this piece. It was short, to the point, and provided a lot of impact. The language used was very vivid.

In the last portion of the poem, “How can you recover,  How can you descend.  How much more can you suffer  Before you mend.” I would suggest using at least one question mark. I understand that poetry isn’t always perfect, as far as punctuation goes, but I think that the question mark would add to the questioning tone of the piece.

Confusing, yet interesting. Like I understand it, but not completely.

“The secret style,
dorian grey-imported-something-for-nothing
ride that you hide…”
The second line in here is kind of long and disrupts the flow.

Also, I noticed that some of the words rhyme and others do not. Is this a rhyming piece or not? Trying to have the best of both worlds will disrupt the flow of your piece.

All in all, I think it’s good, it just needs a bit of tweaking :D

Not sure what genre of music this is for, but I read the lyrics over and over again and found “How can you recover, How can you descend.
How much more can you suffer Before you mend” works well, although you should stick question marks in there.

“She likes still life.
I like nudes.
He likes suicide
in doses
of two,” is clever. The introduction of a third person is interesting.

Hi there,

I liked the passion here although I felt clarity could have been conveyed a bit more. I liked the lines “He likes suicide in doses of two”. Most clever. A bit more length and a chorus would help as well. Keep it up! Nice job. me…

I love it.  I guess there’s not much else to say.  I love the flow.  I almost want to put this to music myself.  Woot!

First a question: Is this poetry or lyrics? While it doesnt matter really, this would work wonderfully as modern verse. The style and the flow—to the point and very abstract. It gives readers the chance to apply their own meaning, yet it doesn’t seem dry or foriegn since you offer us personal doses of reality (first few lines, very nice). I love how you end with questions that really drive the piece home in the minds of readers, the only thing I question is how we suddenly find ourselves at this point. This is where the lyrical quality comes in. Perhaps a little more depoth, maybe a stanza between the two, might add to the flow and really drive this piece into another realm. Very nicely done.

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April 16, 2008

by august_blood

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
53	100.0% (12 votes)	19.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
36	M	United Kingdom	September 29

thanks so much for your outstanding review! I shall look into making this longer although in this case perhaps less is more? it is actually poetry to answer your question, but because it is shorter than most of my stuff, and more direct, I put it in the lyrics category. thanks again!

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This piece really goes to show that sometimes you can say more in just a few lines than you can in a novel. The first four lines are my favorite; the idea of suicide coming “in doses of two” is really mysterious and intriguing. I love the fact that it could stand alone as a poem in its own right and without any music at all would still be beautiful. Very good write.

P.S. What kind of music is this set to?

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April 16, 2008

by august_blood

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
53	100.0% (12 votes)	19.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
36	M	United Kingdom	September 29

thanks for reviewing the piece. the music is actually a silent mystery, or rather the poem wrote itself to the rhythm of an unheard tune….

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