Poetry / Together Forever

Nice poem. I had to read it through twice to catch that the “you” was not one of the women mentioned in the second stanza, but that may have been my miss. Once I did catch that, I saw the thread of regret and felt it come through in the last stanzas. nice work!

It may seems only a cliche at first read. But unfortunately it has to be said that we never stop learning. I liked your way of writing as if you were asking questions and giving answers at the same time, exposing your feelings as they were coming out of your brain.

The first stanza of this piece, while they express your idea very well, read a little oddly. I would try to re-word them a bit, ditching the parentheses.

“Regrets they ask me now?”
I am unsure why you have used a question mark here, as this line isn’t really a question… you are stating that people ask you something. Perhaps:
“Regrets? They ask me now.”

The repeated use of “only” in the next line gets to me. Perhaps:
“Only a few, like the time I wasted”

I like how it ends, and I like what you’ve said too. After a relationship ends you still have the memories… so in a way you will be together forever. Good work.

I can feel your words, and your emotions in the last two stanzas, particularly the last “And so perhaps we are together forever after all My God! What a drag.”

I loved the realization in your writing. While i was reading it i could feel as if I myself was coming to such a conclusion. Then at the end “What a drag.” expressed your attitude torwards your new thought. It made me rethink my thoughts on the message though out your poem, so it made me want to re-read your submittion.

Great job!

I enjoyed reading this poem. The images of high school shine through. I enjoyed the third stanza “Regrets they ask me now? /Only a few, only the time I wasted/
Trying to feign a love for you ” and the last stanza was unexpected. Overall I thought it was a good write.

You really surprised me at the end, I laughed out loud. That was great. What a drag! Ha! Yeah. I thought this was going to be mushy-nope. This was perfect, and I’m glad I read it. Good luck.

Darkly humerous. This piece seems to be written from a vantage too unique to the author to be properly appreciated by an audience. There are good ideas and I think you get your overall point across but I would like to see some detail to make each statement flow more smoothly from the last.

Oh, how sad (or so I thought).  I could feel the pain of people coming and going in our lives – sometimes only faces remaining.  And then you leave little ambiguity in your closing stanza that “together forever” may not have been the best choice.  Poetry, for me, is a tool to invoke emotion so with that being MY measurement of the success, you achieved the goal.