Poetry / Unwelcome

I’m conflicted about this piece. I was turned off at the outset, because I feel that calling out loneliness is too obvious and over-told. But there are some really nice bits in here – “dined on helpings of smiles and laughter”...”an occasional irritant sneeze”...and the last two lines are really nice. I guess if I was to give advice, I would suggest making the overall message a little more subtle…take some time to draw us in and wonder about the theme, then illuminate.

i like this.  has a nice well not exactly “warm fuzzy” feeling but not cold either. if only we all could deny loneliness like this in our lives. nice flow, and patterns.  

This is honestly one of my favorite poems on Urbis.  This may sound cliche, but it felt like I was reading a poem out of a book or compilation.  I very much like the way that you began this poem with the first two lines.  They originally caught my attention.  ”I don’t need you today,” is perhaps my favorite line.
I like the imagery invoked here, the length of the poem, and the overall tone or feel.  Very good.  Please keep writing.

I would say that was 95% clear. It’s a very good piece and I was very impressed with it. It shows great potential and great emotional experience which is very familiar to too many of us.

I would love to read more of your stuff and I think you should be proud of this piece. ~GracieM

In the 13th line change ‘was’ to ‘were’ and in the 16th I got confused when you said ‘I be’. Are you sure it shouldn’t be ‘I am’? Other than that I enjoyed this poem because of its happy tone. You didn’t sound sad or angry with loneliness; you just simply asked it to go away.