Poetry / I want to dance in the rain

The repetition of the main thought is interesting, and could be more powerful, if you did a few things differently, I think. First, switching from “stand in the rain” to “dance” without any real difference in the things you want to do regarding that activity is confusing. I’d pick one; stand or dance. Same with “glistening;” it’s different than the other lines, as you don’t modify the rain in any of the others. Poems that rely on repetition require one of two things, either: 1) perfect repetition of the desired element so that you can move other phrases around it for contrast or comparison, or; 2) repetition that changes deliberately and specifically, so that the reader can follow why you’ve changed the repetition.

You’ve got a nice, smooth style. Keep up the work.

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August 07, 2007

by kortneyrose

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	84.0% (75 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	F	Ada, OH	May 27

Thank you so much.  This is probably the best review that I have received on this piece for the mere fact that every other person just tells me that I have too much repetition.  Thanks for the review.

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I rated this the way I did, simply because I can’t tell someone “they can’t be themselves,” it doesn’t make any sense. It’s only: this was good in the beginning, but then, it became way too repetive, & became almost a task to read. It felt very childish, almost Dr. Suess-ish. Now, I’m trying to put you down, I’m just telling you, I wasn’t feeling this piece at all. Just like a song: it needs to have a hook, it needs to have a break, it needs to have different rhythms happening, with all of this tying itself together to create a work of art, something to be cherished & remembered. Keep writing—don’t let me damper your spirits. I’m sorry.

simple poem. pretty, but those are things i’ve feel like i’ve read about before when it comes to “rain” poems and the feelings rain conveys. i’d have your actions jump out a little more descriptively and not be so typical, but that’s just me.

Lines 3 & 4—Sounds like you have been invalidated….
Line 6—Often, the answer is oh so close. You have to take hold of it even when it’s inside.
Line 8—You mean the escape it provides?
Line 10—If these stop, one would no longer be alive.
Your poem suggests that there is still hope.
You could cut down on some of the repetition.

standing in the rain has long been a part of poetry, there is something about the beuty of the rain that is just emulated through poetry. Put Should it all be so repetitive? in this piece you have many desires and you believe that they shall become reality in the rain. but its repetitive nature of “rain then emotion” sadly made me stop truly listening. you have to mix it up more…also each line seems to say the same thing…just with diffrent words. go further with this, break away from its repetitive nature and it will become better.

i like your idea of the rain as a way to release stressful emotions. readers can relate easily to your light yet heartfelt reasoning. Most poetry i have read on urbis has been extremely suicidal, therefore hard for me to relate too. i truly enjoyed yours because i could have wrote it from my own emotions. i liked that you didnt get too wordy with desciption, which made it easy to read and flow well.the only thing was maybe “dance in the rain” got repetitive. Overall liked it, good job!

The poem was good but the title was mention to much. Maybe find different ways to explore the usage of words, perhaps? Repeating words throughout the whole poem isn’t really a good thing can get to be boring at times. It was a depressing piece of writing, though. I really did like these lines, though,

“I want to stand in the rain so you cannot see my tears…
They will all too soon veil and be disregarded…”

It shown what you was feeling and the reason why you wanted to go out in the rain. In my mind, you wanted to go out in the rain to hide your sorrow and pain from what made you sad. To feel happy and not a broken person. Its from my point of view.

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August 06, 2007

by kortneyrose

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	84.0% (75 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	F	Ada, OH	May 27

Thanks for the advise.  I completely understand the title being used too much.  I don’t usually write like this, but wanted to try something new.  The last paragraph you wrote was amazing though.  That was exactly what I was trying to get across.  Thank you.

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