Haiku/Senryu / Seven Year Itch

I like that this follows the tradition haiku form, as in describing nature. I also really like that you described the sparrow as flirtatious. It’s very effective. All in all very good.

I really do appreciate the simplicity and elegance of this haiku. One minor critique; pasture should be pastures.  

Yep, I like it!  The title and the haiku sit together in an entertaining tension, although if anything the title is so strong is almost eclipses the wit of the lines.  A suitable subject?  Well, I always enjoyed the Japanese verses about lovers “moon-watching” – so, yes.  Good fun [not always what I expect from a haiku] ... and technically just as it should be.  Thanks.

Very good painting. I like the picture you set forth here….
I know many sparrows who have looked to me to be there springtime amid their storms.  Really nice.

I absolutely love this one. Is is soo awesome. I understood this whole haiku as soon as I read the first line. You use of imagery is great, and the true is told in this one! Great work

Very cool Haiku.  I must say one of my favorites that I’ve read in a long time.  Not much to suggest here.  Keep it up!

Ace

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October 26, 2007

by onlywish

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38	F	United States	November 18

Thank you.

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Sparrows are like that, though  aren’t they. This was a swell write…but the swelling’s gone down.

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October 21, 2007

by onlywish

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38	F	United States	November 18

you are to funny

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I really like the humor of this senryu
Even the use of “greener pasture” as a cliche emphasises the playfulness of this piece.
I like the choice of sparrow, it implies a lot of busy activity going from place to place.
The title -another ready made expression from the cliche’s repertoire- is also light hearted.
Nice. Made me smile. Having been there…

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October 21, 2007

by onlywish

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
1524	85.4% (412 votes)	76.6%

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38	F	United States	November 18

you do have a good start at what this is saying. thank you.

October 21, 2007

by onlywish

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
1524	85.4% (412 votes)	76.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
38	F	United States	November 18

you do have a good start at what this is saying. thank you.

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Great, amid throws me a little, in mid winter storm works as well, creating a tad more depth.

The symbolism works a subtle treat. I am glad you kept the authentic feel of the form and how well your grammar and punctuation is. There is nothing worse then a few mystic sounding terms strung together but senseless in reality.

I like the feel to be able to be stretched out as a sentence or a few. This one can be rolled out and still keep its power. What can I say, I like good bastardized poetry ;)