That’s sweet. Thanks for the review.
Poetry / The Forgotten
A gentle soul- she walks alone
Upon a path of heartless stone
In the Darkest Corner of the Earth,
A place for sorrow and for mirth.
“Cassandra whispered once to me
That from my Corner I’d fly free-
A rose among the Golden Race,
But now her words have lost their grace.
Where is the Golden Race?†she cries.
Warm tears roll from her bright-lit eyes.
She scans the path; what does she see?
Mere phantoms- shadows of fantasy.
In lulling tones the nightingale sings;
Drops of wax from Icarus’s wings;
Concealed in his tomb, the Pharaoh’s gold;
The mournful cry of tales untold.
She is a pearl that lies unseen
Deep in the sea- so pure and clean;
Unfathomable to mortal hands
That vainly grope upon the strands.
The lovely world’s a peacock’s tail,
With brilliant colors- yet so frail,
A hundred eyes with none to see
Know not this pearl and her beauty.
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CraziChick reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow. I just loved the dramatic tone associated with the voice! The only thing is that when you used ”” it became confusing and you lost me.
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ames_plaza reviewed Version 1 -
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First of all i love the line about the world being a peacock tail. That’s a really great image.
However, I have a really big problem with the rhyme scheme. A lot of the time your rhyming seems very forced and, therefore, makes the poem incredibly difficult to read though because the rhyme scheme is distracting. I would try to stray away from the rhyme scheme, or if you really felt the need to rhyme, try more of an internal rhyme or a less common rhyme scheme. Concentrate instead, on the specific images and making them concise and yet, flushed out enough. Work on sensory details. describe the colors of the peacock tail. Describe the pearl. is it smooth? slightly bumpy?? show show show!!
Aaron26Conklin reviewed Version 1 -
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What is this poem talking about? How does the title fit this piece? Its too vague. I don’t usually like rhyming poems, especially every second and fourth line! The use of “mirth” in the first stanza sounds totally forced, just to have something to rhyme with “earth.” This is one of the reasons I hate rhyming poems, THINGS GET FORCED instead of naturally flowing from your thoughts to paper. Dont chain yourself down to rhyme, let your poetry be as free as your thoughts.
Justin_East reviewed Version 1 -
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Excellant pacing and clear wording. I think it could use more expressive language.
S_Sivan_Nnamdi reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the imagery and the tempo of the verses. Very well done.
thezenix reviewed Version 1 -
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This was truly elegant. The rhythm of the poem is absolutly perfect. And not perfect meaning without fawls. However, perfect for the writer and the reader to be on the same page. It was like reading some form of Edgar Allen Poe, but you know it was not. I don’t think this was dark at all. It is the way you make your point is so simple and dramatic at the same time. Many are able to do so, but few are able to do it so elegantly as you and Edgar Allen Poe.
chasingdreams1 reviewed Version 1 -
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Ahwe ! This kinda reminded me of something a dark romanticist would write… Sounds like a poem i would read in a poetry book or lititure book:) I like :) !!
Deadsage reviewed Version 1 -
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This is grammatically perfect… but I don’t get it.
just kidding.
Believe it or not, I’m not going to rip this poem up!
Meter and rhyme are solid and tight.
You’ve checked and rechecked your Iambic Tetrameter
“That vainly grope upon the strand” – loved this line.
an allusion to the Cassandra of Greek Mythology? The pearl line made me doubt myself as Cassandra was extremely vulnerable in mythology (being raped and taken as a concubine then ultimately murdered comes to mind)
I didn’t understand the capital letters on Golden Race and Darkest Corners. What am I missing?
raebethmcgee reviewed Version 1 -
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This is well written and I feel that it’s at it’s best. I dont think the author could have done anything differnt and I want to say job well done.
Alex_Bruinekool reviewed Version 1 -
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Very good. I really don’t have any criticism of this piece. It’s almost Byron-esque in my eyes, but with your own flavor added in. Good job.
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