Poetry / Color of the Moon

I think that the moon is not pale, on the contrare its silver and shines due to the emotion one takes and looks at the moon.Its really good but I think you need to add more substance.I sense your looking for the colors in your life

~Zeke

I don’t get the reference in the author’s note to the piece but that withstanding, this piece is bold, simplistic, revealing. I like it. My only concern, is this is perhaps due to the fact that I didn’t get it (always a possibility) is the final line. Just seemed forced and doesn’t tie this piece up with the closure I was hoping for.

As for being a writer (better or otherwise) I grade on the three s’s scale: style, substance, soul. The style of this piece is good. There is definitely substance minus the ending. As for a poetic soul, you have it. High marks from me. Thank you for sharing this piece with me. Good job. Keep writing.

I must admit, as often of me, Im still a bit lost in your last line, but through my own translation I find this VERY interesting and well written/ thought out. A real thinker, a new favorite of mine.

I have a few suggestions: why not add “the” in your lines. Example, “But why not the blue of water, Or the green of life”, etc. I think it would sound slightly better that way. And your final line is a bit of an anticlimax. Perhaps think of working on that a bit. Reading the poem I thought the answer would be something profound, but then it was simply “Because the view is its lot”, which doesn’t help in explaining the colour of the moon anyway.

Thanx for sharing though