Thanx. Sorry, unfortunately it is to God, but maybe
I can write an ode to sir simms if i’m feeling inspired.
;)
Poetry / Ode to the Wind
Ode to the Wind
Unopposed,
unhindered,
unscathed by the attempts of man.
As a mighty warrior
you plough forth.
By whom shall you be deterred?
By the might of your breath
many have fallen.
Winded.
You go unseen before us.
But not unheard:
as a loud roar your bellowing voice
extends across the oceans.
Your mightful breath is fearfully known
amongst the children of the trees,
and the creatures of the desert sand:
For fear of the Lord
is the beginning of wisdom.
Yet unattainable such wisdom seems:
For though you beckon,
and bid us, “Come”,
We block our hearing
with the sound of the world.
We do not listen.
We cannot hear.
Though you scatter autumn-coloured leaves
before our feet
with the power of a mere sneeze -
still we know not the intensity
of your strength.
Though you extend your arm
to the roots of the trees,
to lay them down level with your earth -
still we know not the sovereignty
of your power.
Though you bear up the deep
to extend its territory
and create for it a new home on the land -
still we know not the absolute
of your omnipotence.
But, though man hears not,
and fathoms not
your intense strength,
your sovereign power,
your absolute omnipotence:
Today I shall say:
“Quiet mind.
Be still my heart”
And extend an ear
to the whisper of the Wind.
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LMPATE reviewed Version 1 -
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I don’t see a fixed number of lines or a rhyme scheme in these stanza’s. It makes the flow hard to follow without some form of consistency. You start out with 3 – 3 – 3 then 4 – 3 – 2 – 7 etc. Also confusing is that you appear to be speaking of the element of wind itself and then you almost go off into a religious theme to your piece. At the end you became philosophical. This was more like 2 or 3 poems combined. Also, in the beginning you were trying to convey your meaning with few words. But the longer the poem became the longer the lines themselves. Sorry, I felt that this needs much more work. The idea is good but the process needs fixing.
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reerds reviewed Version 1 -
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I did enjoy this piece quite a bit. Personally, I find the subject of the wind and its’ power and all the metaphors that go with it to be easy targets. In other words it’s all been done before by many other writers, which is perfectly okay. I do like the piece and it does have potential as I believe does the composer. I would challenge you to perhaps take on some more difficult subjects. I might also change the title, unless of course you are intentionally trying to conjure Percy Bysshe Shelley.
SirSimms reviewed Version 1 -
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that was awesome, i don’t know if it’s about god or something else but i’ll pretend it pays homage to me (-=. you have a talent for expressing what you’re talking about, i couldn’t hope to pay so much attention to and idea, and that’s what it is, a steady idea. impressive, i dig it.
‘the wind that made the grain wave gently yesturday
blows down the trees tomorrow.’ -atmosphere
-sir simms
MElizabeth reviewed Version 1 -
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Wonderful poem. I like the imagry and most of all the idea that something so simple is so strong. Thanks for sharing your talent and keep on keepin’ on.
annagooch reviewed Version 1 -
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what a great poem, I loved reading it from beganning to end. I love this part,
“Your mightful breath is fearfully known, amongst the children of the trees, and the creatures of the desert sand.” what poetry. Ann
artwhore reviewed Version 1 -
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i think you covered every view point of this certain thing… which is what you should do you should squeeze all the juice out of something observe from every angle.. thats what makes this good
elfygirl reviewed Version 1 -
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You say ‘unscathed by the attempts of man.’ Attempts to do what? I don’t feel like that line is effective unless finished or explained a bit more.
mightful-mighty
Who are the children of the trees?
“Be still my heart” is really cliched for the rest of the poem; it doesn’t match, and it detracts from the beauty of the rest of it.
I think the poem is beautiful, as I believe Odes should be. You used great imagery. My only problem with it is that, although it’s supposed to be an Ode to the wind, you change the subject to God. I don’t know if this was intentional, but it changed the subject of the poem. If you don’t want to change the poem to the extent it would have to be changed to make it actually about the wind, you could just change the title. Either way, it’s beautiful and I enjoyed reading it.
aquaruischick reviewed Version 1 -
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Very well written and great details. I liked the exampes of the leaves and trees. I felt liked I’ve experienced things like this before. Keep up the great writing. you have a talent.
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