I think I understand the title, “Goodbye to
lemondrops”. She is saying goodbye to both her drug
addiction and to her controlling ex-husband (at least
I think he was controlling judging by his portrayal
in this short story/poem). Lemondrops are sour and
bitter, which I think are categories fitting for
both addictions and ex-husbands. So, it seems to
me that “Goodbye to lemondrops” is really “Goodbye
to the sourness and bitterness of my life.” I could
be wrong though.
Poetry / Goodbye to lemondrops.
I remember you.
I remember the first time I heard about you through a mutual friend we shared. And in that moment, I remember deciding I would seek you out, and claim you as mine.
I remember crawling drunkenly over the traintracks to present myself at your doorstep: disillusioned, raw, near isanity, grasping for an absolution I could never obtain.
I remember your smirk as you let me in.
I remember a fleeting sense of wholeness that overtook me the first time I tasted you, and how I vowed solidarity to that moment for the rest of my life. All of my senses bowed down to you, and I christened you my make-shift god. But idolatry is dangerous, and all that glitter you threw at me left me blind.
I remember sitting complacent as I let you trace my futures. You told me that we didn’t need Max. That he’d slow us down. I remember the pang of guilt that shook me when I agreed with you. I remember feeling confused when you continued to question my loyalty.
“I’ve given you my only son,” I whispered quietly. “What more do you want from me?”
I remember dropping that proverbial ball. You know, the one with “fantasy” etched into its thick skin.
And ohhh, boy! do I remember how hard it was to breath after reality smaked me in the face.
I remember how you made me hate myself.
I remember how you manipulated my enitre life to suit your own agenda.
I also remember how good you felt and how much I still wanted you, despite all of this.
But most of all, I remember waking up one morning and finding myself dead inside, with no idea how to continue.
It was on that day I finally decided to sacrifice you, because I knew both of us could no longer live. One of us had to go. And so I began picking up the fragments of my former self that you almost completely obliterated.
I want you to know that as I am becoming healthy and while once more, I haven’t forgotten who you are. So if you ever see me out, peering at me through the eyes of some sick, hopeless junkie, please don’t try to approach me.
Through your fragile facades of euphoria and your midas-esque touch that turns everythign around you into gold and then quickly to shit, you can’t fool me anymore.
Because don’t you see?
I remember you.
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kortneyrose reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this piece so much. The fact of the matter is this piece is great for any reader. No matter if they know what addiction is or not. The great thing about this poem is that your metaphorical use is amazing. Your usage was good enough for the reader to actually feel it. I didn’t think that it was confusing at all. Even at the end you do a great job of showing the reader how much you want to stay away from it. Great job! I would have to say that my favorite line was, “Through your fragile facades of euphoria and your midas-esque touch that turns everything around you into gold and then quickly to shit, you can’t fool me anymore.” because it’s so true. Drugs do go from making you feel amazing to horrible. The only thing that I would say you should do is check your spelling and grammar. I saw a few different mistakes, but nothing that can’t be fixed rather quickly. You have something good here in my opinion. Good luck with it!
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GracieM reviewed Version 1 -
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First of all I would like to say that it is important as literature to express peoples emotion which allows others who are going through the same to be able to relate. You do that in this piece. Although not your typical small structured and Rhyming poem this really has its own character. Keep writing, not only to increase your ability but to allow yourself to release your problems.
I hope you have defeated the drugs or will soon and I send you strength.
~GracieM
Lacey reviewed Version 1 -
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I actually think you have a really good grasp on how these two things influenced and became your life. To know that you can remember means you can move on never forgetting the hold this once had over your soul.
Rowling reviewed Version 1 -
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First, please let me congratulate you for admitting that you had a problem with drugs and trying to put your life back together. It takes a very strong person to succeed at such an accomplishment. I commend you for your efforts.
The poem itself is very enthralling. I found myself enveloped in your story, enveloped in your situation. I could see it all so clearly. Some lines seemed to apply more to your ex-husband and some seemed to apply more to your drug addiction but I could also see why each line would apply to both.
Great job, keep up the good work. Oh, and as far as being understood and admired…you’ve succeeded in that too.
skittlezstar reviewed Version 1 -
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I think this is very powerful, Chelsea. And I think it took a lot of balls to post something so personal. Your writing is good. It is strong and raw.
“But idolatry is dangerous, and all that glitter you threw at me left me blind.”
I understand.
Keep writing, keep searching, & I wish you nothing but the best. -Carri
elfygirl reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow-I can definitely see that this has a double meaning. I only have one suggestion—just use Midas rather than adding the -esque to the end. But this was amazing. You used a lot of imagery that really stunned me. The part where you say “I’ve given you my only son” stopped my heart. I think this belongs more in the short story section than the poetry section, though. It has repetition, which is an element of poetry, but seems more of a story, with a conflict and climax, and especially, a difficult resolution. Great job!
I just have one question, though. What is the significance of the title? Maybe it’s a reference to something that I alone don’t understand, or is it a personal title?
Again, amazing poem!
Juddy reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not one for compliments and it takes a hell of a lot to truly hold my attention. But you managed it with the utmost of ease. I can’t get over how elegant yet powerful your sentence “All of my senses bowed down to you, and I christened you my make-shift god.” not just came across as but brought me out a half dazed slouch to pure anticipation of the next word.
I’m pretty useless at reviewing but I’m pretty good at expressing myself and I honestly believe your writing to be one of the best I’ve read in a long time. Perhaps its the fact its a drug addiction story that doesn’t try to gain a cry for sympathy or try to bog you down. But I truly enjoyed it,
Absolutely class,
=]
Renee reviewed Version 1 -
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This is one of the few short stories / poems etc that I have read while trawling for credits that has genuinely made me stop and think. Usually people get pretty annoyed about people just writing to say that they think that someone’s work is good but I hope this is not the case in your case. I get all the metaphorical stuff but maybe since you explained that in your notes it could be made clearer for those who haven’t seen the notes (like the stuff about not needing max and the giving of your only son) . You write really well. I don’t really have any tips about making your work more universal expect to perhaps make it less obscure.
I remember dropping that proverbial ball. You know, the one with “fantasy” etched into its thick skin. And ohhh, boy! do I remember how hard it was to breath after reality smaked me in the face. – I don’t understand this.
Some of what you write is really beautiful, everything is well written and the only bit of advice I can give is to remember that there’s a whole host of people out there who have never taken drugs, or met anyone even that’s taken drugs so if your writing for them maybe make it more accessible. x
guyguy reviewed Version 1 -
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ya,i understand.The lemon in the drop was too tart,requiring all that was sweet whithin you to make it work.my last wife is such. i think if maybe you look at this with “bittersweetness”,perhaps a wonderful beat and rhyme will flow onto the page as a rewrite.please.there is healing in this.
Kerouac reviewed Version 1 -
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Let me first say I have been in the same place as you,I will not lie to you.
Your poem has moved me to tears. You tell it from a place deep with in your heart. I dont think you have much to worry about in your writing,If you keep writing work on this scale. I truly feel this is the best poem I have read in a long time. Well done.Stay strong you have so much more to give us. And I look forward to more of your work.
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