I appreciate your review—thanks. I do write the other kind, too.
Poetry / Plea of the Waning Verse
O, sing in me muse!
let my thoughts graze the sky,
grow wings and soar free
o’er landscapes of the mind.
Sing me into darkness
or give light to my words;
while I ‘wait you in agony
bring a cure for this curse.
For swallowed by doubt
the verse goes unpenned
and these short-lived creations
spill on without end.
For deep in these fantasies
dwell magics unspoken,
dead rhymes on stone tongues
of the myths not yet woken.
The ancient ones hide here:
myths, peoples, the lorn,
those closest to heaven
who in darkened dreams mourn.
So sing in me, muse!
draw me into those days.
The poet’s pen stops to listen—
I shall learn the old ways.
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SirSimms reviewed Version 1 -
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man oh man this was pretty sweet. i don’t know that i caught your entire meaning but i like the opening. i feel like that alot, i once had a muse. the poet’s pen stops to listen, that’s really why i’m here i hope reading more stuff like this can make me a better writter, not that i dont’ love my own style already. props, most definitely. that was cool.
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andyhavens reviewed Version 1 -
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This did startle me into a memory. The info about the poem says he/she is 19 and a creative writing major. That was me, 22 years ago.
This piece shows a happy facility for choice of language, meter and rhyme. Much of it is clearly deliberate, but without feeling forced. What that says to me is that you’ve got native talent, read a lot (which is great), love to write, and pay attention to your words. All good places to begin.
As an exercise, too, this isn’t a bad piece. Not having read any of your other work, I can’t judge if it’s typical or one of many different styles. Judging it solely on its own, however, I’d have to say that archaic language, except in very specific cases or for an experimental treatment, isn’t a great way to spend loads of time on more than a couple poems. Words like, “O,” and “o’er” are a cue that you’re leaning on language that seems poetic. There isn’t any such thing. Write using words and language and metaphors that are in your life, not in the life of some past, imagined Greek or Renaissance “master.”
A plea to one’s muse is an interesting theme. Why not try it using completely modern, natural language? My muse, for example, wears leather and dyes her hair bright magenta ;-)
Lin reviewed Version 1 -
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Scans quite nicely & would sound good recited or read aloud & that’s what poetry is really about. So I take it you have written this evocation as a call to the spirits of the ancient bards. A polite request that they lift you up, levitate your spirit so that you can fly with the flocks of beautiful birds in the sky. We have parrots in flocks flying around here & sometimes when the fruit is sweet they descend into our palms & get drunk on the nectar. At night the flying foxes move in & feed on the mangos in season. I suggest that you keep at it. Swipe the rimes & rhythms of the poems you most admire & overlay your own experiences & images & may the gods be with you.
Tiddleyboom reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, it appears you and your muse have issues – but don’t we all!
2 ‘criticisms’ – 1) The first line should read ‘O, sing in me, muse’ and you may want to consider adding an exclamation point for emphasis. 2) Your first two stanzas don’t rhyme while the rest do.
As to the good stuff, being able to write about writer’s block is amazing. You have a terrific flow. And I love the line ’...who in darkened dreams mourn’.
Thanks for sharing-
Tiddley
aquaruischick reviewed Version 1 -
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Excellent and well written. Great structure and meaning. Details are perfect. I was touched by this poem. Keep up the gret writing and hope to read mreo soon.
Amadan reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, my first impression of this: Brilliant. This poem has a haunting feel to it, a feel of almost bardic skill in writing it. This poem has superb imagery, but it’s strongest part was the simple, elegent method you used to tell the story, and the melancholic feel of the poet waiting for his muse to sing, and finally, the decision to relearn the old ways. (sighs) brilliant my friend, brilliant. The only part I didn’t like was the line “Cure for a curse”, and thats only because the two words seem clumsily placed. If this had been recited to me instead of me reading it, I wouldn’t have even noticed. So feel extremely proud. A superb write.
nathall reviewed Version 1 -
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hi there,
just discovered your piece here, very nice. i loved its title, its rhyming from your first stanza,
O, sing in me muse!/let my thoughts graze the sky,/
grow wings and soar free/o’er landscapes of the mind. very shakespearian ouverture, which i thought was quite fun and refreshing in a way! i’d be tempted to eliminate your definite article in line 2 and 4 there. think?
you kind of get away with the meter, as it is mainly in 6-syllabic lines with some 5- and 7- in places,/For swallowed by doubt/the verse goes unpenned/
and these short-lived creations/spill on without end. ...but that’s cool ;-).
otherwise it flows rather well.
There are some gorgeous images, such as “dead rhymes on stone tongues” , stanza 4 – very dramatic, very powerful! how very shakespearian again!
why not considering replacing “into” by “in”, as in stanza 2, Sing me into darkness and in your final stanza, draw me into those days. think?
and why not considering chiselling a bit, as in stanza 2, bring A cure for this curse -> “A”; stanza 3, and THESE short-lived creations -> “THESE”; in your final stanal stanza,THE poet’s pen stops to listen —> “THE” . think?
overall, have very much enjoyed this piece. well done!
with very best wishes for your writing.
nat
temo reviewed Version 1 -
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So you are seeking a release. Maybe an end to your dilemma of what you should say that is great? Seeking inspiration from somewhere outside of yourself.
Or is this just an interpretation of the workings inside of the mind. The battle between pessimism and optimism?
Maybe a tribute to the pen and the mind showing just how powerful and influential they are to life and the world around us?
Hmm idk…I do like it though. :)
oneillsb reviewed Version 1 -
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A poem that is blatantly about writer’s block, or even the lack of an inspiration. Every time I hear the words “sing to me,” it reminds of the Aeneid and Paradise Lost, and I’ve always wanted to start a poem like that but that’s academic in general anyway. What I found very complimentary about your theme and your nostalgic plead for inspiration is that you are aspiring to write poetry of a classic, maybe even epic, nature. And I think that’s the best attitude a poet can have, as long as it’s not ambivalent towards the more modern forms.
The language you are trying to achieve, along with the rhyme scheme is pretty hard to define as anything other than old-fashioned, and you’ve certainly done a good job of that. However, phrases like “cure for this curse” and “grow wings and soar free” are not neccesarily novel and pander to cliche in my experience. What I really did like was the “landscapes of the mind” image, one that I find very in tune with the poetry of Wordsworth: the unity of the creative spirit and natural surrounds. So in a certain sense you did startle me into a memory, although one which isn’t mine ironically.
What I think this poem lacks is length, although I appreciate that you are writing about the lack of inspiration you find for poetry. I’d like to see what else you can come up with on this theme, perhaps if you relate it not generally but to a personal experience?
Definitely a good poem, and something solid to start with.
MistressHilde reviewed Version 1 -
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Wonderful! I am very impressed with your poem. It gives me the feeling that this is exactly what a poet thinks and how he/she prepares to write. I love that while the poet is pleading with their muse they are already spouting a poem and that writers block here is considered as something painful like the poet is physically sick if he doesn’t write. Wonderful wonderful!
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