Children's / Lu's Blue Shoe

Cute, and the idea with the dog in the picture is excellent. I can see a child screaming at the character, saying “There it is. The dog has it!”

Miss Lu wonders “what to do” a couple of times. I wonder if there isn’t a more imaginative way to express this the second time.

Is there something more interesting than looks for in the thirteenth line?

The names of the animals should not be capitalized except at the beginning of the lines.

Just a thought: If you ended the poem with Who knew? you’d be teaching the phonetics of Who and knew, too.

Not sure I’m crazy about it.  

It’s extremely repetitive, even for such a young age group.  I guess there’s not a lot you can do with a shoe other than look for it at the zoo.  You could have made this story much cuter if you had ventured away from the two, clue, boo, do and shoe words.  You could have changed it up from stanza to stanza and brought in many more things.  

Good luck.

I particularly like the part;

Little Miss Lu from Calabalou,
has tried and tried to find the shoe,
Inside, outside, upside down too,

I think there are too many shoes and things rhyming with it. I think if you just split it up ever so slightly it would be less of a tongue twister.

~ GracieM

I like this. I love the rhyme. Even with such a rhyme I followed the story very well. I think this would be something children can understand! Nice work!

The story has a lot of potential. I know it’s hard to rhyme the same word over and over again. I was kind of lost when boo had the shoe at the zoo because nothing gave me a clue earlier in the story that, she was in zoo before the shoe went missing. Their are also a couple of other words that you might find in a theasaurus that rhymes with shoe. Overall, the story has a lot of potential.

I really loved the flow of this little rhyme.  It kind of looped nicely along and really is very cute and interesting.  Would love a little more info on why the dog is at the zoo.