BARABAC
2007-07-02
By Annie
INT. DINER – DAY
It’s your typical Route 66 inspired hang-out, filled to the brim with slogan T-shirt wearing, cap wielding truck drivers.
Three of these are MARTIN (42), GREGORY (36) and KEN (49). They are sitting in a booth by one of the large windows overlooking the vast parking lot, hosting a number of impressive vehicles.
The three men are having a friendly argument, one that seems to be familiar to all of them.
MARTIN
You know you’re never going to
win. Never. Old Shirley has the
prettiest plates and the
shapeliest hood.
GREGORY
Ah, jeez, you go on about your
truck like she’s god’s gift.
She’s broken down on you twice.
MARTIN
She’s temperamental.
KEN
That’s what he says about his
wife.
They laugh as the door of the diner swings open.
Through it steps HAL (52). Heavy set, wearing leather vest and a cowboy hat, he’s the main man, or so he likes to think.
He smiles at the three men seated at the table, grabbing a cup of coffee and a donut handed to him by one of the other drivers. Strolling over to the table he looks smug.
HAL
Now you ain’t having the same old
argument, are you? You know none
of yous are driving a finer set
of wheels than me.
Outside the window, sideways and in all her glory, stands Hal’s newly parked truck. It’s quite far away, so as to allow for the full view.
HAL (cont’d)
Yup, she’s a beaut, the old—
As he speaks a black SUV looses its grip on the road. A figure jumps out of it just as it swerves and hits the truck, causing it to explode violently.
The explosion is what interrupts Hal.
He stares at his treasure literally going up in smoke, dropping his donut into his coffee with a plop.
EXT. PARKING LOT – SAME
Agent JAMES BARABAC (42) sits up slowly. He’s lean, but tough, wearing a suit, no tie. He’s handsome, even when suffering a cut above one eyebrow which is slowly trickling blood down the side of his face.
He surveys the wreckage in obvious dismay.
INT. POLICE HEAD QUARTERS – DAY
The large space is crammed with desks. Office noises such as telephones ringing are interlaced with people answering said telephones ringing.
In a square room with wide windows set in every wall stands Barabac, being yelled at by the head of the department MARCUS (45).
The words are inaudible, but it’s perfectly clear by his moving mouth and gesturing that he is not happy. His reseeding hairline does nothing to diminish his alpha presence, and he’s using it to its full now.
INT. SQUARE ROOM – SAME
Barabac’s face is set as he listens to his chief.
MARCUS
They’re coming after you now! It
was unavoidable, the way you’ve
been hounding them!
BARABAC
Indeed, sir.
MARCUS
You can act as detached as you
please, but this is damn well no
small matter! It’s far beyond
control now! You’re like a
cube of sugar, for God’s sakes!
BARABAC
I’m a cube of sugar, sir.
Marcus eyes him impatiently.
MARCUS
They’re flies!
BARABAC
They’re flies, sir.
MARCUS
The flies are attracted to the.
Never mind. You’re on sick leave.
Affective immediately.
Marcus takes his seat behind his desk, the topic clearly no longer up for discussion.
Barabac watches him stony faced, then strips himself of his gun and badge, placing them with a hard thud on the desk before exiting the room.
Marcus looks at the items thoughtfully; then grabs the receiver of his phone.
MARCUS
Marge, get me Surveillance, will
you? Fine, then ask Don to get back
to me. I have a feeling it’s urgent.
He watches the back of Barabac disappear through the doors of the office.
EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – NIGHT
Barabac drives fast and purposefully.
EXT. THE CORE – SAME
It’s a beautiful old building that now hosts the hotel The Core. Every window is lit up, spreading a warm glow on the gravel yard in front of it.
Barabac breaks his car to a halt, opening the driver’s door and getting out.
Three men are coming through the heavy, wooden front doors of the hotel.
TWO of them are wearing inconspicuous jeans and jackets. However, both of them look larger than the average man, in the excess of muscle variety rather than the layers of fat one.
The other man is wearing a white suit. He has pale skin, white hair, white eyes. He is fully embracing his albino-ness. His name is RED (32).
RED
Agent Barabac.
BARABAC
No need for Tweedle-Dum and
Tweedle-Dumber. I’m unarmed. I
want to see Leon.
RED
You believe it is that simple?
Barabac looks up at one of the cameras fastened to the front wall of the house.
BARABAC
Oh, he’ll want to see me.
He raises one hand in a small wave, smirking self-confidently.
INT. LEON’S SUITE – LATER
It’s decorated in red, gold and burgundy, coming as close to tacky as is possible without crossing the line. A testimony to wealth, power and an eager interior decorator.
LEON (35), tanned and toned, clad in Armani from top to toe, sits in an armchair.
Barabac comes through the door ungracefully, pushed by the two beef-jerkies. He gives them a glare before facing Leon, who smiles a dentally enhanced smile.
BARABAC
Leon, my man, had to come see
you. (looks around) Spared no
expense, huh? Is it the illegal
drugs or the embezzlement funding
this place?
LEON
Ah, Barabac. Always hunting for a
confession. As if you were a priest.
BARABAC
Not at all. I am neither
understanding, nor forgiving.
Where is she?
Leon observes him for a stretched out moment.
LEON
In the dungeons. Tell you what,
if you can find her I will let
you both go. What do you say?
BARABAC
Too easy.
LEON
Would be, if this was a regular hotel,
and that was a regular dungeon.
On a large screen is shown an elaborate labyrinth. Many infrared shots show people moving in different parts of it. If they are captives or if they are guards wielding heavy machinery is impossible to say.
Red pulls a needle from one of his pockets and empties it into Barabac’s arm before he has a chance to react.
INT. LABYRINTH – LATER
Barabac’s unconscious, lying in a corridor made of brick. Its ceiling, walls, floor. Brick.
He wakes, struggling himself into a seated position and looking around, slowly finding his bearings, whatever they’re supposed to be.
He gets to his feet, shaking his head and beginning to focus.
BARABAC
(muttering)
Dungeons. She’s in the dungeons.
Who does he think he is, the
bloody king of England?
He makes his way carefully forward.
A loud clicking noise makes him pause.
From the ceiling a large weapon detaches itself from its previous position, aiming its barrel at his head quite matter-of-factly.
He stares at it for a moment.
Then makes a run for it, bullets hitting the bricks right by his heels for every step he takes.
There’s a niche in the wall and as the corridor seems to stretch on for eternity, he seeks refuge in it. Only the bullets are now aimed at the edge of the niche, chipping away at it, bit by bit, and his shelter is soon going to shelter him no more.
He looks around frantically for any means of escape from the situation, pressing himself tighter against the wall behind him.
It suddenly swivels around, taking him with it, the noise of bullets disappearing behind the thickness of rocks.
He smiles in relief, looking at the new stretch of corridor before him.
He is about to take a step forward, but stops himself with in intake of breath. Sharp blades have been set in a six foot long hole in the floor before his feet.
Stuck.
Can’t have that.
He braces himself and takes the leap. He lands on the edge on the other side, desperately trying to find his balance, flailing arms, widening eyes, before he takes a small step forward.
Safe.
There are a bunch of obnoxiously loud clicks coming from somewhere a little ways down the corridor.
He takes another moment, then rushes forward, bullets beginning to slam into the walls all around him.
Barrels are glimpsed through slits in between the bricks.
BARABAC
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
He reaches the end of the corridor where it merges with another, creating a T section, swirling around as the bullets stop, dust and bits of brick still settling on the floor.
He has a moment of triumph, and then another click is heard as a gun is put against his temple.
A GUARD.
Barabac gives the other a look.
It doesn’t take many seconds for him to skilfully bereave the other of his weapon and violently render him unconscious.
He checks the clip. It’s fully loaded.
He continues down the hallway, rounding a corner and coming upon another GUARD.
They fight briefly, Barabac winning, kicking the other in the head and sending him into a wall, taking his gun as well.
He slips down another passage when a voice speaks his name. He stops, looking around, spotting a door. He looks through the barred little window in it and sees what he’s come for.
TESS (28) is tied to a chair. She’s bloody, but conscious and coherent.
The door is thick metal. Barbarac has another look around, trying to find something to pry it open with.
TESS
Barabac.
BARABAC
Just a sec.
TESS
Barabac.
BARABAC
Be right there.
TESS
James!
He goes back to the window.
TESS (cont’d)
It’s not locked.
He frowns, pushing the handle down. The door moans itself ajar. He steps through it.
INT. DUNGEON – SAME
His eyebrows rise.
BARABAC
He takes the time to build
dungeons, but doesn’t bother to
lock the door behind him?
Irresponsible, I say. Anyone
could walk right in.
He heads up to her and gets to work on the ropes.
TESS
What are you doing here?
BARABAC
I’m the rogue, over-adventurous,
slightly suicidal hero of the
story. Couldn’t you tell?
Her arms are free.
INT. LEON’S SUITE – SAME
Leon watches the screen, showing the room and his victory slipping out of his hands.
He looks over at Red, who gives a nod and leaves his side.
INT. DUNGEON – SAME
Tess rises to her feet.
TESS
Barabac.
BARABAC
I wasn’t going to let them leave
you in here to rot.
TESS
They weren’t going to leave me
in here to rot.
BARABAC
Come on, what’re partners for? We
watch each others back. You
taught me that.
TESS
I in no way meant in a rogue,
over-adventurous, slightly suicidal way.
They hear a ruckus down the hall. Barabac tosses her one of the weapons.
They move up to the door, he looks out quickly, then grabs her hand and pulls her with him through the doorway.
The group of men coming down the corridor are led by Red. They all pull their guns.
Bullets reign after the fleeing agents. Tess swirls around and returns fire.
TESS Where are we going?
BARABAC
Eh. This way.
He heads down a new corridor.
TESS
Eh. This way?
They round a corner, returning fire to keep their assailants off before getting themselves moving again.
The dust settles and Red leads the others in their wake.
Barabac and Tess round another corner and reach a dead end.
TESS
Eh. This way?!
BARABAC
That way was way back there!
He leans against the wall with all his might. It isn’t budging.
TESS
What the hell are you doing?
BARABAC
You wouldn’t believe me.
TESS
(quietly)
They’re here.
Red and his team slow down. They know their prey is trapped.
BARABAC I came to tell you something.
TESS
You came here to tell me
something?
BARABAC
I love you.
TESS What?
BARABAC
I love you. How many bullets do
you have left.
TESS
Three. You love me?
BARABAC
Have you noticed you repeat what
I say? A lot.
He kisses her. She kisses him back.
They share a rather despairingly happy look before they get ready to face their attackers.
Suddenly the wall farther to their right is blown into smithereens.
They’re pushed back against the wall behind them, covering their face for protection.
Red and his guys are knocked off their feet.
Barabac and Tess see their chance, running for the large hole in the wall and finding themselves outside.
A helicopter is just landing on the large lawn behind the hotel and special agents are swarming across it.
Tess looks at Barabac with a meaningful expression.
TESS
See.
Red and the boys are back on their feet, their guns blazing.
Tess and Barabac turn around, returning fire before jumping out of the hole, running a few steps and turning around, pointing their guns at Red as he emerges.
They pull their triggers simultaneously.
Click.
Their clips are both empty.
They look at each other, then turn and run, seeking refuge behind a pile of lawn furniture.
Their gazes lock.
BARABAC
Hey.
She smiles.
TESS
Hey.
Suddenly he’s hit, frowning as he falls over on the ground.
Tess throws herself over him to protect him, burying her face against his neck. Her hands come away bloodied.
TESS
Hold on. Please. Hold on to me.
Fade to black.
INSET TEXT: ONE MONTH LATER
Fade in.
INT. SQUARE ROOM – DAY
Barabac and Tess are seated in chairs before the desk. Barabac is wearing one arm in a sling.
Marcus is sitting behind it, reading from a piece of paper.
MARCUS
Extending gratitude. Suspension
pending. Shouldn’t lead to
anything too serious. End of text.
BARABAC
I’m off the hook?
MARCUS
They’ll make you squirm for a
while, but you’ll get away with a
reckless stamp in your file.
BARABAC
The elusive reckless stamp. I’ve
heard the tales, whispered rumors in
alleyways, but I never let myself
actually believe.
Tess smirks. His eyes meet hers.
MARCUS
No matter how understandable your
motives were, there is no getting
around this damaging their trust in
you.
BARBARAC
Yes, because I had such copious
amounts of it to lean on before.
(pause) It’s worth it.
Tess smiles again.
They rise and all shake hands.
Tess and Barabac walk across the floor of the office, running into a small, mousy man wearing glasses and bowtie. He’s DON (36), surveillance techie extraordinaire.
BARABAC
Hey, Don, man, thanks for the
invasion of my privacy. Saved
my life.
Don smiles obligingly.
DON
Oh, anytime, James. Anytime.
He scurries off and Barabac smirks at Tess, who mirrors the expression.
EXT. POLICE HEAD QUARTERS – DAY
Tess and Barabac walk outside.
The heat of the sun on their faces.
They continue down the sidewalk. He puts an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She puts an arm around his waist, leaning into him.
Fade out.
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This 303 word review has not been unlocked.
I like how you start and finish with a voice over, this is a neat touch and you could play on the structure to show how the character has changed between the film’s beginning and end.
The characterisation was well delineated but the seemed a little flat beneath the surface. I guess with the genre that you’re writing in this can’t always be helped though.
Nice sequences and action.
Thanks for the read.
I really enjoyed in particular the characterisation of Barabac. You have captured the essence of the do-or-die anti-hero in this piece and managed not to fall into the trap of genre-specific convention. You kept it alive and engaging not just through the use of action but through subtle wit between your lead and Tess.
Since it was a screenplay it was hard to visualise, however, I think as it stands you should be pleased with this strong and accessible piece of work. I would recommend perhaps that you iron the areas of the dialogue where characters say things that are occasionally clunky (although these moments are few and far between).
Harold_P
First off I think your format is fine. I don’t really understand the difference between types of scripts, I found an example of one and stuck with it for all my screenplays. Anyway, the review…
I like this, shorts are very hard to write but you pulled it off here. The dialogue is great and does everything it should- its beleivable, its entertaining and its original.
And because of the dialogue your characterisation works. In something like this, especially short films, dialogue is the very dna of characterisation.
Reading it it is easy to visualise and it is brilliantly entertaining. If you have a high enough budget this will look fantastic! good luck.
The relationship between Tess and Barabac is an interesting one. I found it a very engaging and successful characterisation, even if the events in the play became a little claustrophobic at times and the directions blurred with the dialogue to the extent I was little confused.
As for the action, the relationship between these two people caught in this extraordinary situation was well rendered. I feel that you managed to keep the reader with these two despite the action taking place around them.
Which is all you need for a screenplay to work.
Laura
I really, really enjoyed this piece. It is so strong in not only the story, but also the way you describe each scene, and allow the reader to take what they want from your descriptions, as well as then make up the world for themselves. You have also written the action scenes so well, and we as readers are able to follow seemingly very intense and improvised action along very easily. The dialogue between all the characters is great, and I love how the “bad guys” have a very creepy, and cold tone to them. It is very well done. As far as suggestions, I would maybe write what kind of shots you are envisioning, but that is not really something you need to do on the draft of the script, but it’s really the only thing I would like to know after reading it. Great job, and I’d love to see this made.
i thought this was fucking HILARIOUS. i was seriously laughing throughout. it’s like a james bond meets shawn of the dead type story. hysterical dialouge. i like how you poke fun at the stereotypes of the main characters as well. i want to see this on the screen. i don’t know proper formatting, so i have no suggestions. you accidentally introduced Red twice (same description). only problem. loved it.
very unique structure,but it goes it some taste, and i like it, but i thunk this piece is extremely well, well written, well directed, throughout. There is so much going on, not a bad a thing, i believe plays should alll be respected due to the sincere amount of time that goes into writing one, and the surplus of excitement and joy flowing from it, very fun to read, thanks!!!!!!
Carson Leonhardt
i liked it very much. theres nothing to really say-it’s all written very well and does not need much changes. the story wrapped me in and i couldn’t stop reading it. very interesting. i liked it. keep on writing. structure is good. there is nothing i would change. keep doing what you are doing! good luck! p.s. i would love to see this in the theatres, very nice!
It was interesting.
I feel that the plot is a little hard to follow at times, but that could also be cause it’s a pretty short piece. The action reads pretty good. And I laughed over the I Shot the Sherrif ringtone.
The real problem I had was with the dialogue. Parts of it were ok, but a lot of it sort of reminded me of an early 90s cop b-movie. It just didn’t feel natural.
Your format looked fine to me, but then I’m new to trying screenwriting myself.
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