It would have been helpful if you could have pointed out these spelling errors because i do not believe that there are any but thanks anyway.
Short Story / The Caravan
The Caravan
Lianna crammed the last of the children’s paraphernalia into the car boot, and closed the lid with a satisfying slam. At last they were packed and ready to go. It wasn’t easy organising everything for herself and the two girls, let alone when Megan and Ellie were determined to take half the contents of their toy cupboard with them, but they had done it. It would only take two hours to reach their destination, and Lianna hoped for a peaceful journey – without any bickering on the back seat as she drove down the motorway.
It was half term and they had booked a weeklong stay on a coastal caravan site. Lianna knew the place so well, as she had been coming here since before she was born. She had spent the entirety of every summer in her grandparents’ caravan by the sea, and most warm weekends and school holidays. These days it felt as though this place was a part of who she was. She hoped that her own children would one day look back and remember some of the best times of their lives, and realise that they had happened there.
The journey was peaceful, and allowed her time to reminisce. She recalled her pre-teenage years, when her cousins would all be there. They would play “forty-forty” and “wink-murder”, or ride their bicycles outside for hours, and have sleepovers with secret midnight feasts. There were also the boys, who the girls had crushes on and would gossip about, or fall out over and then make up the next day.
As the journey progressed, her thoughts turned to more recent times. She remembered one weekend in particular, when she had visited this place alone with a young man. It had been a few years ago, before she had had the children and the failed relationship with their father. She and Steven had come here, and had walked on the beach together side by side, or played pool in the pub by the seafront, or played games in the arcade as if they were teenagers. Afterwards they had gone back to the caravan and made love to each other for the first time. It was an experience she had never forgotten: the gentle pressure of his lips against hers, the warmth of his hands on her skin, the hunger that they had felt for each other, and the anticipation and excitement of that moment when they were first united.
Unfortunately she and Steven had never managed to have a proper relationship, although there had been other meetings, but at the time they were too young and he had not wanted to settle down. Deep down, she realised that she would never love another man in quite the same way as she had loved him. They were still in contact, even after all these years, but only saw each other sporadically. It had never seemed to work out between them, and Lianna deeply regretted this.
Lianna sighed as the memories left her, and she pulled the car to a halt in front of the caravan. She hadn’t even realised that the girls had fallen asleep some time ago. She looked over her shoulder and in a gentle voice said, “Girlies – time to wake up now my darlings.”
The children both started to stir. Megan drowsily murmured, “Where are we?”
Lianna smiled. “We’re here, beautiful.”
Megan rubbed her eyes vigorously. “Are we?” she exclaimed excitedly, as she started tugging at her seatbelt in a hurry to get out of the car. “Ellie! Ellie wake up, we’re here!”
Ellie opened one eye just a little, stretched her legs out in front of her and yawned. “Mummy?” she questioned.
“I’m here my love, we’re at the caravan already.”
“Oh”, said Ellie, “I beened asleep.”
“Come on Bubba, out we get now.”
Lianna took the most important items from the car boot, such as their clothes and as much of the bedding as she could carry. The children also took the most important things from the car: Ellie held fast to the dolly that she always slept with, and Megan stuffed as many of her “Doctor Who” trading cards as she could into her pockets. Together the three of them headed inside the caravan to unpack.
Once they had finished, the children went out to play in the campsite playground, and Lianna sat herself down. She leant her head back against the sofa cushions, and with both hands slowly swept the light brown curls back from her face. She closed her grey-green eyes for a moment and took a deep but gentle breath. It was one of the rare occasions when she had a few luxuriously silent minutes to herself. Whilst Lianna rested her mind began to wander. The clouds parted, just for an instant, allowing a shaft of sunlight from the remnants of the day to pierce her thoughts. She opened her eyes and looked towards the window, watching the sun attempt to break from its grey prison.
Fortunately Lianna’s mother would be staying with them, and would be arriving later that evening. Lianna hoped that this would enable her to take time to relax. Suddenly the door opened and the children burst in together, shouting, “Granny is here!” Lianna’s mother came through the door. She looked very similar to Lianna, although her hair was marginally darker, and she had a few extra creases around the corners of her eyes. The children helped their grandmother fetch in her bags, and inquisitively investigated every one.
That evening, once the children had settled down to sleep, and her mother had settled down to read a book, Lianna decided to head out for a walk by herself. It was still light as she walked along the pebbled pathway, which lead like a prelude to the beach itself. By the time she reached the top of it, the sky was awash with a hint of pink. She sat down on the sloping stones and wrapped her arms around herself, resting her chin on her knees. Lianna was the only person there, and she sighed quietly to herself as she watched the waves lapping at the shore: the gentle ebb of the tide causing the water to advance and then withdraw over the cold evening sand. Lianna stayed there until the sun was low in the sky to the west. An aura of red, orange and gold bathed the coast to her right, and she remained there contemplating everything and nothing, absorbed by its beauty.
It was almost dark when Lianna decided to return to the caravan. She stood up and took one last look at the view before she had to leave it behind. She had only turned half way around when she suddenly realised that she was not alone on the beach after all. She noticed a man walking along the same path that she had used. Lianna did not feel at all threatened by his presence, even though it seemed as if he was walking right towards her.
As the man approached, Lianna felt an odd flutter in her stomach. She thought she recognised him, but thought to herself that she must be mistaken. He was looking straight at her now, she was certain of it despite the increasing darkness. Lianna watched him as he grew nearer. She did know him after all.
“What are you doing here?” Lianna asked, struggling to quiet the dozens of questions that were swimming in her head.
“Looking for you.”
“But how…”
“Don’t you remember? You told me you were going away. Your mum told me where I could find you.”
Lianna smiled with a slightly puzzled expression on her face. “But why?” she said.
Steven looked Lianna in the eyes and held her gaze for what seemed like an eternity, as she searched his expression for answers. “I finally realised something.” he said, as he moved in closer to her, and tenderly stroked her cheek with one hand. A cocktail of emotions ran through her body as he leaned in and kissed her passionately. She found herself melting into his arms, as all the memories of past feelings began to merge with the dreamlike reality of the present. She lost herself in him completely, yet this time without questioning herself, or his motives. Finally, this time, it would be different. She had realised it too.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
TS123 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This 59 word review has not been unlocked.
Zee_Beginner reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This 57 word review has not been unlocked.
rhizome23 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This 95 word review has not been unlocked.
Dasheti reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I find this story very well written and your descriptions vivid. The way you describe the caravan I almost feel like I had some sort of childhood there. That’s why I was rather dissapointed when this story took an almost soap opera turn at the end, the entire situation with Steven happens so fast that it gives the effect of a daydream. I think a strong conclusion is the most important part of a story and I often begin my stories with end. The end should have a resounding impact which is what I think you were setting the story up for but it ends like a Mill & Boons novel. If you did want to end it like that you should’ve given that part more attention. This doesn’t take away from the fact that the rest of the story is quaint and delightful.
- add/view comments (0)
Gypzi reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This is great. Wonderful build up to the ending, and you can really get a deep insight into the main character. It gave me goosebumps at the very end, but at the same time I wanted to shout out to her not to go back to him and not to trust him. I want to know more! Does it end up working this time, or is it just like all the other times? You leave it open for interpretation, which I think is pretty cool and powerful. This way, it can work for all kinds of readers.
MistyJRose reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Great story! I love the plot line, and how you describe Lianna’s relationship with the girls. I like your descriptions of the scenes, especially while they are at the caravan. and I love the ending. Nice end to the whole story. Gald to see Lianna getting the man she loves. Great job with this.
kirby reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
i need to know more about lianna and steven’s relationship. i understand that they are special for each other but how about some insight insofar as why they couldn’t be together and the times they spent at the caravan and why they were special. you briefly mention being held down as a reason for not being together, them playing pool and walking on the beach but how about some elaboration on these instances.
also, you have some great descriptions, i particularly like lianna’s pink sunset at the beach but “cocktail of emotions,” doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of the story’s imagery.
aquaruischick reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This is a great short story. Some spelling errors and grammar isn’t correct. You could go back and tell us more about steve and Lianna’s relationship. You can also tell us Lianna’s backstory as well.
Some more details could be added so we can follow along better with this story.
imogene reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Beautiful, wonderful story. One question though, what the hell is a caravan? It must be something that is lost in translation on me. I felt pulled in especially when Lianna was thinking back to her first love. I felt his lips pushing against her and the yearning she was feeling afterwards. I love that they reunite in the end. There are zero grammatical mistakes that I could find and I thought it flowed very nicely. Well done!
Mosaic_Creme reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I really enjoyed reading this story, it has many heart warming qualities to it. I found it easy to relate to Lianna in her different mind sets and think she is a great character. You showed her “mother” side beautifully and seamlessly along with her “woman” side.
I’m not one to hunt through someone else’s work to find spelling and grammar errors. I would much rather enjoy the message that is being portrayed, whether it be in a short fictional story or an instructional manual.I find it much more beneficial as a writer to hear what others think of the story itself. I will however say, that nothing stood out as being misplaced.
Excellent work!
Showing 1 - 10 of 12
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
12 Reviews 7 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
