Poetry / Numb
You kiss me and I felt nothing.
No heat
No explosion
And I knew that it was wrong.
Yet I did not stop you
As your tongue grazed my lip
As your hand cupped my breast
If felt slightly good on my cold clammy skin
I did not feel your warm breath up on my neck
Nor hear the sweet words
That should have tickled both my ear and my heart.
You fumble with my buttons
Like a green boy of sixteen
I count cracks in the ceiling and watch a spider weave
I feel your mounting passion
You need it
You crave it
And I reply with rehearsed sighs and fake wantonness.
You shutter and release.
I moan your name.
Curling fingers and toes into the sheets like always.
Numb
I wish that I could feel it
This fervor of lust
Yet I am cold, unfeeling.
Like a doll someone has cut out of starch white paper
Pale
Flat
Emotionless
Numb
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I must say I’ve never had an experience like that, so it is difficult for me to relate. The only person I’ve ever been with was to be my wife, yet circumstances prevented her and I from tying the knot. My experiences with her were far more beautiful than that, but I imagine without love that she would have felt similar to the way you described. I say ‘she’ because males seem quite pleased without love, do they not?
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