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Poetry / Pinned Sheets on a Clothesline
The sweat from her brow drips
like water from sheets hung
too wet, too heavy – she lets go
the line for a clothes pole out of reach,
and like a billowing monsoon,
white linen drops to the ground.
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AVRP reviewed Version 1 -
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Hmm. Simple, good beat but very well done. I cannot really say much against it in any way. PErfect! Keep it up!
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OnEternity reviewed Version 1 -
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Great metaphors, especially “like water from sheets hung” anyone can undestand it and yet it is still deep.
derekosborne reviewed Version 1 -
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The image is good. The diction is good. The essence is missing. What did you want me to get? I missed it. One word, one qualifier would be enough.
saxmastadrew reviewed Version 1 -
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This poem was allright. Was this a metaphorical clothesline or a literal one. If it was literal, I don’t really understand what your inspiration was.
MsRose79 reviewed Version 1 -
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hehe this is great! Work on the punctuation(I am learning this myself as well…)
I can’t tell where a sentence (or complete thought)begins and ends..
Above all-the content is awesome! I love this poem!!
guild reviewed Version 1 -
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Hello. This poem I really love, because it’s near and oh so dear to my heart. It’s reminded me of my dear, sweet grandmother. Thanks for bringing her sweetness, back to me once again. This “chore”, that you gave light to in your poem, was the one that I would always beg to help my grandmother with. It’s written with deep memories for you, I’m sure.
I can’t say anything bad about your poem, so I hope that’s not bad. How could I, when I loved it?
Very nice, and I’ll be watching for more of your work.
Best wishes
malyshka reviewed Version 1 -
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The beauty of poetry is the different interpretations. This has beautiful imagery. I see a similarity between the sheet and the womans life. The storm comes and she can’t hold on, safety is out of reach, and she falls.Just like the sheet once clean sheet. Well written.
theunknown reviewed Version 1 -
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A decent poem, I must say. Really. However, I feel as if you could of made it just a tad bit longer. It wouldve made the whole thing just…better. I suggest a rewrite of this, maybe add a two stanza’s, and divide the poem up into three parts. Making this current stanza the last. The first one should tell about the setting, the second one about her life.
Really nice poem, but could be improved.
mysticmyst reviewed Version 1 -
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flows well simple and elegant.
rsman26 reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked it it was simple yet beautiful, nicly done.
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