Haiku/Senryu / His birthday

I like the sentiment.  

Very nice. Nostalgic. Did your guy like it?

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January 28, 2008

by Rol

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49	F	Tacoma, WA	February 04

Yeah, he does – even tho he’s not a big fan of haiku.  I write a lot to him, so he doesn’t gush anymore.

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interesting. i like it though i don’t think it’s astonishing or very special. still, i like it quite a lot.

Try some more about him—maybe one that explains a good trait, or the reason you care for him?

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September 06, 2007

by Rol

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49	F	Tacoma, WA	February 04

He doesn’t really like haikus so when I write about him I do so in my lyrics.  It’s an interesting challenge tho and I’m sure I’ll be pondering this one and come up with something.  Thanks for the idea.

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This made me smile. Thanks for sharing.

I can see where this was written with love. Would make a cute birthday card. And haiku’s are so short with so much meaning you just may be able to put it on the cake.

Pretty smooth to me.
And such a compliment to Mark and your love for him.

I think it was a  very sentimental and romantic of you to have written this for your sweety.  I don’t find any fault with it.  Putting “mine” instead of “yeah” when I saw that reveiw I think what they might have been talking about was, it should have been YAY not yeah because then it would have been rejoicing your honey. Maybe I am wrong.

I THINK IT WAS OKAY. i DIDN’T REALY GET IT THOUGH. i MEAN WHAT IS IT SU POSED TO BE A BOUT? ? ? ?  AND THE ” – YEAH ” PART… WELL TO ME IT DOES NOT SEEM RIGHT AND DOESN’T FIT THE POEM. bUT YET ON THE OTHER HAND i AM NOT A N EXPERT POET! LOL!!! SO WHAT DO I KNOW? ? ? ? ? ??? ? ?  ? ? ? ? YOU DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME , , IT WAS JUST MY OPIONON.  *    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   * * * * * *    *   * *
*

This is a nice enough haiku, but the last word in it feels horribly wrong to me.  Perhaps you were just looking for something to rhyme with day in the first line.  But the last line really needs to pull it all together, and that yeah at the end seems rather weak, as if you were searching for what to say and just opted to put that when nothing else came up.

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June 27, 2007

by Rol

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49	F	Tacoma, WA	February 04

I wasn’t happy with it, but I kept going back to thanks & that seemed more appropriate to say to his mother rather than to him. . . what word would you suggest?  

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