Lyrics / Minnesota

hi there,

well this is a nice love song/i like the mac and cheese reference..(i actually like it) but anyway/i like the song pattern you used as well as the ryhmes,if anything i would put the title in the repeating chorus so peolple won’t think it’s called, “mac and cheese”..:)..later,jim

Dear Writer,

I think I may have seen your work and reviewed it previously and I must say, at 16 you have an incredible amount of depth and talent. I really love the images you evoke. Everything flows so believable, naturally and conversationally that it is effortless. You have a gift.

Structurally, I think the song needs some tweaking. I REALLY like the content of these lines:
to keep my lover safe.
Minnesota, keep my lover safe.”

“And I pelt the world with silly pleas

I see this as a pre-chorus section that leads into your Mac and Cheese chorus and structurally that’s not there.

This part:

“Now the sun is rising
and it bathes the world in red.
I’m sitting in my bed”

Feels like half of a middle 8 section and I like where it’s going but it feels incomplete.

There is some really brilliant stuff here. I think a bit of a rearrangement and a reworking of the bridge would be in order but you are 80% there and I love what you have.

Cheers!

R

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January 12, 2008

by beccapikle

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
17	F	Darien, IL	January 04

Thank you very much

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I like the lyrics but in the last part AKA:
“Don’t you worry at all about me,
I’ve got plenty of Mac and Cheese
and I’m listening to silly love songs on dusty old CDs.
But I hope you know
they’re all for you
cause they’re all for you.”

I think this is too much and rather repetitive in nature, but other than the the lyrics appeal to me!

Its a sweet song. I would take out the line “cause they’re all for you”, its redundant. I would change the line, “as it bathes the world in grey”, to “as the world is bathed in grey”.

This is pretty good. Obviously some parts require the music to really be enjoyed, but the other parts are pretty cool.
The one thing I think I would change for sure ( ;), not having the music) but the first four lines are good but then when you get to “The Road” line it’s just a little too long coming off the lines before it, I would take “itself” out of the line and shorten it just right, just flows better.
The cheese/cds rhyme and lines work GREAT.

Keep it up. Later

M.