Yeah, I actually have to finish rewriting the last
twenty pages or so…It’ll be completed really soon.
And yes, it’s got a horror vibe to it…but actually,
the more you read – you’ll notice it’s a twisting
love story…creepy, huh? With a twist…
Screenplay / REFLECTION
FADE IN:
INT. PUBLIC RESTROOM – NIGHT
Still on a MIRROR-
It’s reflection a disoriented man, eyes half open, seven o’clock shadow. His eyes bearing more than bags…
This is our main character, SCOTT PRESTON (32), normally calm and preserved, tonight a little on the edge.
He catches his stare in the reflection, steadies himself half successfully and leans in toward the mirror-
SCOTT
Are you in there?
(beat)
I know you’re in there.
He taps the glass gently as one might a fish tank. Waits a split second, steadying his fingers against the glass, anticipating something…
Nothing.
SCOTT
Why do you do this to me?
Tears form amidst his alcohol glazed eyes. His fingers ball up forming a fist. His anguish dissolves as a slow steady stream trickles down his cheek.
As the tear settles along his jawline, anger surfaces in his eyes. A slight grimace forms along his lips.
All is quiet with the exception of faint breathing and the drowned out cacophony of bar room music and drunken conversations.
Scott slams his fist hard against the mirror, shattering his reflection in a spider web pattern.
Each broken shard reveals Scott’s reflection, each body part seemingly out of place. An eye too far left. His lips bisected in at least three directions. His lower cheek bone lifted.
The tears are flowing now. More heavily. More persistent.
SCOTT
Damn you. I can’t do this anymore.
He lowers his face into the sink. His blood covered knuckles hugging his forehead in agony.
SCOTT
I can’t do this anymore…
CUT TO:
INT. MASTERS GLENN APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY
Superimposed: three weeks earlier…
A key is inserted into a padlock on a green door marked 7124. The door slowly opens to a newly furnished dining room, conveniently connected to a spacious living area.
The keys are carelessly tossed on a counter top as a mirror adjacent to the counter reveals Scott Preston, neatly dressed, and shockingly, very upbeat. Totally opposite from our first introduction.
PSYCHOLOGIST
Tell me about your first encounter? The first time you saw her?
Scott tosses himself lackadaisically onto the couch where he lies lifelessly for what seems like eternity.
SCOTT
You mean the first time I saw her or the first time I really noticed her?
PSYCHOLOGIST
What’s the difference?
SCOTT
Oh, there’s a hell of a difference.
PSYCHOLOGIST
Explain yourself, Scott.
SCOTT
At first I thought she might be a figment of my imagination.
(beat)
Just the way I noticed her on occasion.
CUT TO:
INT. SCOTT’S APARTMENT, MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
Scott exits the steam filled bathroom and finishes wrapping the towel around his waist.
He gazes in the mirror a moment a plucks a gray hair from his scalp. He stares at the menacing aberration.
A HAND in the lower right hand portion of the mirror picks up a hairbrush.
Scott freezes. Cuts to his peripheral where-
-there’s NOTHING.
Back to the MIRROR. Then down at the dresser top. A comb resides where the reflection had shown a hairbrush.
SCOTT
I thought a lot of things. Just to try and rationalize what was happening to me.
CUT TO:
INT. SCOTT’S APARTMENT, DINING ROOM – MORNING
Scott neatly dressed, ready for work, enjoys a bowl of CAP ‘N CRUNCH and the morning paper.
He sets down the paper to take another bite and notices something bizarre-
A REFLECTION-
-in the spoon’s concave exterior. A WOMAN. Possibly preparing something from within the contents of the cabinets.
Scott jerks upright and steadies his eyes on the cabinets. They remain closed.
SCOTT
I saw her at the most unexpected hours.
Back to the reflection in the spoon-
-the WOMAN still preparing a meal. Pouring CEREAL perhaps.
Scott glances at the box of CAP ‘N CRUNCH and back to the woman pouring her own bowl.
Her cereal box is RED with a distorted image of a cartoon baker man. Scott can’t make out the Brand name. He pushes the box aside.
Scott stands slowly, lifting the spoon, tilting its exterior towards the cabinetry. The REFLECTION is gone.
The WOMAN is gone. Scott moves the spoon around frantically. Finds nothing.
PSYCHOLOGIST
How many hours are in a day, Scott?
CUT TO:
INT. PSYCHOLOGIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Scott sits alone on a Italian leather sofa. In the underlit corner of the room, a psychologist sits, hands patiently folded in his lap awaiting a response. His face is clouded from the shadows.
SCOTT
(slight laugh)
Last time I checked, twenty-four, doc.
PSYCHOLOGIST
And out of these twenty-four hours, how many would you say you actually saw this woman in your house?
SCOTT
That depends.
PSYCHOLOGIST
On what?
SCOTT
Well, are we talking about before or after the mirrors?
PSYCHOLOGIST
I’m sorry. The mirrors?
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Thirdape reviewed Version 1 -
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Great start. Capturing an audience in the beginning of a screenplay isn’t easy, but you’ve succeeded. You should definitely pursue this and finish it off, the story is interesting and I’d like to read more.
There are a couple issues with format. Like when you jump back in time with a CUT TO. Generally it should be FLASHBACK: so the reader knows that it is not the same time. But these issues can easily be sorted out with a later draft.
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annie reviewed Version 1 -
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chstockman reviewed Version 1 -
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katemonster reviewed Version 1 -
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First, I would love to see this as a piece of short fiction, because I think you have some great descriptions that would lend themselves better to short fiction (or directing) than screenplay. This is really interesting and I don’t know if you’re meaning to, but it seems to have a horror film vibe…in a good way. I’d like to read more? Is it finished?
aquaruischick reviewed Version 1 -
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Tell us what Scott, the woman and the psycologist looks like. When and where did he first notice this lady? We need some sort of storyline here. I was bored with this quickly and lost.
Edit this and details so we feel what Scott feels
jaldebot816 reviewed Version 1 -
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Hey i think you have something good going here. I was initially intrigued by your description and was hooked the moment I started reading. i can definitely see this as a short film and can certainly delve into the psychosis of your main character. would love to keep reading more and to answer you, YES, keep writing!
Jessica42 reviewed Version 1 -
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Overall a good start. But to me the name Scott Preston sounds unlike how the character acts. Very original idea about the woman being reflected. From the writing it seems to bounce between places a little too much. A little more characterization might be good towards the beginning, maybe Scott acts perculiarly or has a distinve personality that the reader can quickly see? Personaly, I think that it jumps into the main plot a little too fast if this is inteded to be a movie-length screenplay. But it does definetly grab the attention.
Vague reviewed Version 1 -
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I would definitely continue the story. I am not familiar with screenplay structure, so I can offer no advice on that, but I do see that the story itself is interesting and should be published. I would strongly suggest finishing it.
pauldowney reviewed Version 1 -
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Well it is a good start. It is an original screenplay. You should keep going and finish this. It also depends how long you want it. My personnel opinion is keep it a short movie. If not make it an hour and a half at most.
If this was a movie so far the audience wouldnt know anything about Scott not even his name. You need to reveal a little more information about Scott. You got to remember to always write for the audience. Don’t write unless you know it will work.
I did enjoy it over all and I want to see more of it. It is a very good so far there isnt much criticism after what I said above. keep up the good work
Ravenn reviewed Version 1 -
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I definitely think you should finish this. Your idea, so far, sounds totally unique and different from the majority of movies that all are the “same.” I’m guessing this is a psychological thriller, mystery or suspense genre.
I am certainly very intrigued. I want to know more about this woman. Who is she? Why does she show up to Scott? Why in reflections and now mirrors? What does she want?
My interest is certainly piqued and as I stated, it seems to be different, I’m hoping it continues in that vein. Good luck!
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