After you read it again you caught that ill was also Bill Gates. I might of got the name wrong With software packs. Is that what they call when you buy Windows xp software packs. I don’t know now. Thanks for your review and the remark you left on filbet review.
Haiku/Senryu / Evil Empire
Microsoft hi-coup
bill is high when programming
software packs for Gates
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Overall, great job. This is unique and adds a small laugh in the end. Laughing is good for the soul. : ) Only problem I see is the second sentence is kind of worded weird and throws off on flow in my opinion. But all in all, it is awesome.
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Very clever first line… so clever I was expecting similar for the last line.
Second line is just not there for me. It seems a little blah. I am sorry if this is coming off a little pompous, but I feel as though there could be much more said in this line. Maybe with the same type of cleverness included?
If I may be so bold as to present an possible idea: Others swallowed bit by byte -this is very rough and really not even a good try but it does show what I mean.
I think your third line should have a similiar humorous cleverness.
I think you have a potential gem here. But it is quite not there yet.
I have to say that was quite interesting, and one does have to wonder if he isn’t high when he is coming up with the new software. How else can it be explained all the bugs that usually come with it? I really did like this work, and I can see that you have a good deal of talent.
This is wonderful – I especially like the “hi-coup” LOL – very nicely done.
lol, I like it. The title had me thinking of something completly diffrent. I thought it was funny.
I didn’t care for this at all. I did find it kind of funny though, so I guess you succeeded in that. After reading this several times I still don’t know exactly what it’s about… seems vague. I did like how you played with the name- is Bill high or is the bill high?
To be honest I’m not really feeling it. I disagree with your medium. I don’t think a hiaku is the best way to talk about this kind of subject matter. People read this and go, ”...ok.” and move on. There’s too much to speak about to pack into three little lines. I think you ought to write a poem (perhaps in hip-hop style?) or an essay to convey your feelings.
Is the bill supposed to be a Bill, or is this a pun. I’m not very impressed, but the “hi-coup” is amusing. Why not a “high coup” though? Not sure.
This has a ring of truth to it.
This did make me slime.
You succeed in writing a Haiku with form/substance/mood.
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