Ravenn reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I simply love this. Love it! This is beyond unique and I have never come across a poem like this. I love the title. It is beautiful and morbid and as true to life as life itself.
Your choice of words and sticking with the theme of them, wording, flow – they all blend together refreshingly well. The imagery is awesome.
I have nothing put praise to offer for this – no improvements can I see.
I will point out my favorite parts:
1. Let us go then, to the highway feast - very powerful line and opening
2. Let us hear the brood rustle from their summer slumber joining the picnic by the on-ramp. – love the imagery and use of the word picnic
As I reread – there are far too many lines to pick out that I enjoy so I will just leave my two favorites up.
Your ending is wonderful – A feast for first life—on last. – powerful and oh so true.
Beautiful job. Hope to read more of your work.