Poetry / Self destruction

Left to our own imagination, to draw upon our own conclusions.  What a peice of art.. I have goosebumps..

Great metaphorical meaning and symbolism, no critique on this one I think

This poem is very drag you in. Evokes very strong feelings. However I’m not sure I can understand exactly the situation. What’s happening there. But maybe it’s meant to be: anybody have to think of it himself.

i like the way it created an image, ante suspention builds

very good imagery I love the description of sending a shiver to someone. I think you would make an excellent story writer I dont know why but it reminded me of Dean Koontz’s writing probably the atmosphere created, anyway good effort

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April 16, 2008

by blossom_art

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30	F	Australia	November 20

Ohhhh wow to be compared to such a writer as Dean Koontz.. that is awesome. Thank you, funny but as a kid i did read his books and have not picked up one since i was in my teens prob about time that i did. Glad that you enjouyed it and hope that you realised who the voice telling the story was!!

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I really like how this poem has me asking questions until the very last line when it ties everything together perfectly, it is a really cleverly put togrther poem. The subject matter quite reputable and your lanusge is fantastic. I have no actual critique just a well done..= )

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April 10, 2008

by blossom_art

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Glad to hear that you enjoyed it and that you felt the last line tied it all together. Can I ask whether or not you realised that it was the voice of death that was the narrative in the poem? A few people have mentioned that they simply do not understand the poem at all. Thanks for your positive comments.

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I was with you until you abruptly switched to talking about “her”. I feel as if this is two separate poems jammed together. I lost interest when you chnaged tone of the first part.

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April 16, 2008

by blossom_art

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I do not understand how you find it an abrubt switch when writing about the character who is headed towards the narrative?? To explain, it is the voice of death explaining the newest member and ‘her’ being the girl walking towards death and her feelings of being unsure of the path she is headed, then deciding that yes she does want to end her life. Get it now???

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I am not certain what is has to do with self destruction but your poem is well written and captivating. I love the way it flows and the words you use. The only thing I am uncertain is why it switches from you to her…it was very ambiguous and leave the reader with lots of question such as who is the I? is it a he, a she, a ghost, a stalker, a thought? I would like to see more on that side because it felt like there were too many pieces missing…

thanks for sharing

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December 05, 2007

by blossom_art

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To answer your question “I” is death. Her is the girl headed down the path travelling towards her death, she thinks about changing her mind and chooses to end her life “as she opens the gate” is me trying to explain how she can never return” I hope this makes it a little more clear, any suggestions on how to improve are welcome.

December 06, 2007

by AnaBlack

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wow this is awesome…I had no idea but thank you for letting me know…

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This is a piece which I feel, on first glance offers very little.  But there is a story, a narrative thread.  I want to know what the ‘It’ is.  I get the felling of great uncertainty and trepidation.  Until the end when the protagonist has made the decision.  I would live to know more.
I like the way that you have used the words ‘flickering’ ‘scattering’ and ‘crakling’, this adds to the strong imagary and feel of the poem.

I like this.  As a poem, I’m not sure if it is done justice as it feels very strongly as if it belongs within something bigger.  You have created atmosphere very well and leave me interested.

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July 05, 2007

by blossom_art

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It may have helped to explain a little i guess, it is loosly based on the voice/feeling of ‘death’. “she” had decided to end her life, ‘death’ was not expecting her yet. Not her time. The one word i want to change and have been too lazy to do is ‘chosen’ to ‘chose’. Thank you for your review. If not a poem.. what would you suggest it is??

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you have a fairly good piece of work here.
look again at your usage of the definite article [“the”] at the start of your piece. you may not need it all the time.
that first line, “emreging in the darkness” is a good opening, a;thpuogh i would drop out “the” – i don’t belive it is neeed.
have really enjoyed that image of light, “crackle of the burning kerosene”, quite powerful.
the latter part of our poem flows and reads better. however, beware of certain cliches, like gate and paths… although the wheel does not necessarily needs to be constantly re-invented, such images can/must be used more creatively.

best wishes with your writing.