In an overstuffed chair,
Alone in the dark,
A life is extinguished,
Like the end of a spark.
To smile no more,
Or laugh once again,
His sad lonely tale,
Has come to an end.
Born the young son,
He strove through his years,
To be what a man is,
And fought of all his fears.
Love found ‘twas easy,
She tried hard to please him,
Alas his heart wanders,
Like the passing of seasons.
Lacking a purpose,
With turmoil sub-surface,
He sought resolution,
But found none in the service.
Armed in a great war,
He fought for the truth,
His blood stained contract,
Stole the rest of his youth.
Back home at last!
He cried into the night,
Searched for his answers,
Through pint after pint.
When pulled from his hole,
With eyes oh so green,
He stopped his searching,
For this was his dream.
What seemed a fortnight,
35 good years,
Ripped from her kindness,
Back into his fears.
Out on a Sunday,
His love Lilly vine,
Was slain by a driver,
Drunken with wine.
Dressed now in black,
With ash on his head,
To follow are the days,
He knows he will dread.
The old faded pictures,
Bring pain all the time,
Now he is the one drunken,
Drunken with wine.
His children they love him,
And do what they can,
But to him he is no more,
Not even a man.
This warm home she made me,
Has now turned all gray,
My children I love you,
But here I will stay.
Soon I will find her,
Again in my dreams,
The hardest is waiting,
And stifling the screams.
Two decades have past,
And still no reprieve,
I’m still here waiting,
How much is this fee?
My fingers are mangled,
And hair is all tangled,
Far out of balance,
My life seems to dangle.
The rhythm has slowed,
Considerably much,
Too tired to walk,
Too far is my crutch.
Just one last look,
Around this old place,
I say goodbye,
And look at your face.
The lights are all fading,
Its beauty to me,
In the doorway you stand,
At last I am free!
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This was an amazing poem. Personally having experienced witnessing first hand so many people suffer through life without living, this poem I can relate to very easily. After I lost my grandfather, I could not understand the pain my grandmother went through after his passing. Then I grew up and worked in long term care for 7 years. I witnessed this poem, again and again. The poem was so visual; I could see the man sitting there in his chair, almost begging for death because nothing is left for him on earth. Very good. I would not change a thing. It almost brought tears to my eyes.
The meter of this poem is well adhered to, and the meaning flows smoothly. The only thing that confused me was the title, as “Our Grandfathers” initially made me think that the poem would be one to which most people could relate (the pronoun, “our” does denote a familiarity).
Otherwise, I enjoyed the work, and rate it as an 8.
The imagery of the poem is very effective. I have lived enough years to understand the pain one feels when you lose your dearest love. I felt as if some of it was labored, as if you were working too hard to find the rhyme, but it is a a story that can be understood and related to. I believe that is a primary element of good poetry.
What i like in this poem, is that you can picture every event in the Voices life and imagine how he feels exactly.
This makes it understandable to read and a joy to read to, obviously not the right word to use, but the events all line up and you can see everything happening which is more of a joy in poetry.
Other than that, it feels like the poem is dragging on a bit, but maybe this is deliberate as i can guess you drag it out to emphasise the Voices life.
Honestly though, this is a good piece, and is intriguing from the first stanza onwards.
I am absolutly in love with this poem. I thought that going through his life and the despair at losing a loved one to a drunken driver, which is sad to say happens to many people today, and the long wait he has had to indure until he finally got to see his loved one again was an idea used by many before but I don’t think I have read one wth so much feeling and passion behind it. It is only so true but I think that life was truly made beautiful in your poem even with the depair and torture of waiting for a loved one.
Great poem, I understood his pain from losing his wife and how he lost all urge to live afterwards. I loved it from the beginning to end. Don’t feel anything should be changed about it.
This is rather simplistic, yet nonetheless good, not to mention easy to follow. Overall, I like it, but there are some disturbances in the flow of this piece that keeps it from being completely fluid, and from making as much of an impact as it could on the reader.
For instance:
“His children they love him,
And do what they can,
But to him he is no more,
Not even a man.”
This might be better served as:
“His children love him,
And do what they can,
But to him, he’s no more,
Not even a man.”
Just a suggestion, but like I said before, good job.
Showing 1 - 8 of 8
Ratings & Rankings
Review item
Add to faves
