okay. The only reason I have long and short sentences is because of the tune. When IAsing it i brake it up some but I geusted that people wouldn’t want a hcoppy song lol!!!
Lyrics / Broekn Window
She cries in her sleep
The nights are long
And her pain is so deep
Unlike others, she’s fine when alone
She always dreads
When her parents get home
It’s hard to fit in
She tries to hide all the scars on her skin
She goes to sleep with no promise of tomorrow
They all sit back and watch her drownin’ in her Sorrow
Through the broken window
There’s a light that leads the way
Through the broken window
There’s a light that promises today
Through her tears
A little girl will pray
That her eyes will see the light of day
Once more
She lies to her friends
If she breathes one word
She’ll never breathe again
Her friends all listen but they don’t really hear
They stand there watchin’
But she doesn’t shed a tear
She don’t run or hide
And she knows she may die
She goes to sleep with all her lights on
Can’t even move ‘cause all her strength’s gone
Through the broken window
There’s a light that leads the way
Through the broken window
There’s a light that promises today
Through her tears
A little girl will pray
That her eyes will see the light of day
Once more
One night all her screaming stops
It should be over soon
She’s so glad ‘cause now her pain is not and issue
Now she’ll fly out to that light and say,
“World I’ll never miss you”
Through the broken window
There’s a light that leads the way
Through the broken window
There’s a light that promises today
Through her tears
A little girl will pray
That her eyes will see the light of day
Once more
Through the broken the broken window
The little girl will pray
For all those little kids
Goin’ through the same
And this little girl keeps watch
As an angle…
Through that broken window
Through the broken window
There’s light that leads the way
Through the broken window
There’s a light that promises today
Through her tears
A little girl will pray
That her eyes will see the light of day
Once more
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syaira1506 reviewed Version 1 -
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hey tori
okay i am planing to put the tunr tori and i put to the song on youtube so anyone interested look up broken window by tori and it will be there in the next week.
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tbutterfly18 reviewed Version 1 -
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I see you are very young, but have the potential to be a great writer. I think this speaks volumes. It is sad, but I think it also lends a shadow of hope to the reader. I would just work on the flow of your words a little more. Meaning don’t have a short sentence in one stanza followed by one that is really long because you are trying to make it rhyme and fit with the piece. Not a bad piece at all. Very moving. Keep writing!
learning2fly reviewed Version 1 -
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I wish there were some way for me to climb into your head and hear the music you heard when you wrote this. It is heartbreaking and beautiful with intense raw emotion that you, blessedly, chose to expose your listeners to. Please continue to write. You have a wonderful gift.
squarehopper reviewed Version 1 -
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I don’t usually review lyrics, but since you asked me to review your work, I decided to do so.
Since I am not very musical myself, I am going to comment on this as though it is a poem. Hope it is still helpful.
You do realize there are spelling and grammar issues, so I will not focus on those. Just make sure those are fixed before trying to have this published.
You have too many goals for people to rate. Are they all really necessary for you? I went down the middle for most of them, just because I really don’t know how you will do with achieving your goals.
Now for the piece.
It is a good piece. It does have a rhythm as I read it aloud. The story you tell is fairly strong and is emotional. But can it be strengthened a bit? Can you show more how the heroine suffers and feels after she tells the lies? A verse where she disappears from school perhaps? Or maybe where she runs away? I don’t know. This is only a thought. It might help your song if you did add something like this is in. Or maybe not. This is your piece, you can take anything or reject anything I say. It won’t bother me anyway.
I think this is good nevertheless. Although, I would also recommend you sign it aloud and record it. Play it back and see if there is something missing – both rhythm and story wise.
Good luck!
fadeout reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought this was a very good song. Its sad because these things happen to real people all the time and there is nothing you can do about it. I can read this and just wish I could take the pain away, its that touching of song. You have a very good writing style and keep up the good work. I would love to here this song with some music with it, I think some stringed instruments and maybe a little rock in the chorus would set this song on fire.
-Peace!
Romani reviewed Version 1 -
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Yes I can definately see this as a song. It would be interesting to know what sort of melody you can hear. I can hear several. I’m assuming “one night all the screaming stops” is where the melody changes (middle eight). The message in these lyrics is strong. Hoping its not a reality in your world. I think you have alot of potential in song writing. Keep going. Writing about “Up things” is good too, if you can catch the thread.
damien5024 reviewed Version 1 -
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wow not a lot to say. you just touched my heart and it’s been a while since i have actually read a piece that has actually been emotional like this one. the only thing left to say is that its great and you need to right more.
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