Short Story / Phone Call

The hallway stood silent witness to the sound of gathering books and sliding desks.  I had misjudged her actions in the waning moments of the lecture, and now I stood alone in the hallway, waiting to walk the 50 feet to the hallway where she turned right and I went straight.  I had nothing to say, and I did not want the rendezvous to seem forced.  Accidental was better.  I chose to employ the multi-faceted cell phone maneuver, which consists of staging a fake conversation with oneself using the cell phone as a prop.  It is used by men who want to seem important, people who do not want to seem alone, and, almost ironically, girls who do not want to be hit on.
        I am not sure what sort of conversation you have with your cell phone if you ever do this, but I-I don’t know why- always seem to get annoyed with myself.  The audible bit of the conversation is almost always filled with exasperated negative responses, impatience, and dramatically rolled eyes.  I do not know exactly what I say to so irritate myself, but this night in the hallway, with the hot plastic pressed against my ear, the part of me on the other end found his voice.
        “Dude, you’re an idiot.”
        “I know.”
        “You’re the only one who does this.”
        “Well, I’m neurotic, ok? This is how it works.  Planning is part of the equation.”
It was his turn to be exasperated: “Planning? What’s the point?  Are you going to be doing this when you’re fifty? Lying awake at night with this stuff, wasting your time?”
“I’m not that neurotic, it’s just soothing to do this, its how I set up my life.”
“Dude.”
“Shut up.”
“Am I distracting you? Because if this little voice in your head distracts you more than she does, maybe you should think about how much you like her.”
I sighed, “I have until the middle of this hallway, then she goes right, and I go-“
“-Hang up! She’s coming!”
“I can’t now, she’ll know its fake.”
“Hang up!”
“Smile!”
“I am!”
She smiled as she passed, her reddish hair swaying in time with the blinking “call ended” message as she turned the corner.

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Reviews

November 05, 2007

Lakitu

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
27	66.7% (3 votes)	22.2%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	M	Australia	August 06

Lakitu reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

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November 04, 2007

squarehopper

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
1723	80.3% (721 votes)	37.6%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
45	M	Bolingbrook, IL	March 11

squarehopper reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

There is a category for flash fiction now.

I found this a little borish.

You spent too much time explaining and talking about why you use the fake phone call – building it up only to not do anything with it at the end – how anticlimatic.

I would expand this and try to develop the character a little more, and think about your ending when you do, don’t make us expect something without giving us a little clue that the opposite is about to happen.