Poetry / Can I be your hero?

This poem is so ambiguous that I think any realization of a speaker or the scene is lost. The imagery is nice, although the disconnect between the words and the speaker’s interaction are lost. Good work on the lines, “he can hear/it echo in his skin”.

im thinking about meter and line length these days. ur poem has a soft sound. the lines are short. u oscillate between 3 and 4 syllables mostly, but the last line is 6.
why?

by keeping the lines short it gives the poem a soft sound. i like the terrycloth cape comment as well.
good jon

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December 12, 2005

by javaverses

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
52	70.0% (10 votes)	50.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Pearland, TX	December 31

The last line really could be 2 lines of 3 syllables, but I didn’t want to break up the thought.

Thanks for the review aroud.

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I think I picked up on that, a mother and a child? Well written, good flow. Sweet, too, many mothers would read this and enjoy it, I’m sure.

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December 11, 2005

by javaverses

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
52	70.0% (10 votes)	50.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Pearland, TX	December 31

Thank you.

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I love it! Is the speaker a mother (or father) and the subject their child?  It captures the love and care you feel so well, it is a written picture! The phrase “my terrycloth crusaders cape” makes me smile as I imagine it. The idea of your “I love you” echoing in his skin really resonates with me also.  I am sure the person this poem was written for knows they are loved without a doubt.  Well done!

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December 08, 2005

by javaverses

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
52	70.0% (10 votes)	50.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Pearland, TX	December 31

Thank you so much. You pin pointed it precisely! It’s about me (the mother)& my youngest son, who is 23 months old. I wrote it this morning after playing with him.

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