I didn’t…
It’s something that I personally have to battle with EVERYDAY…like an addiction persay….
but I do it…I’m handling…
I’m still here…SMILING :O)
Great review..
THANX!!
Poetry / Knocking at the door (Analysis)
I can feel it coming over me again.
I know its coming.
I’m scared
I don’t know if I can fight it again.
It was so hard last time
I am tired
I don’t know if I can.
I’ve been crying again.
Haven’t changed out of these pajamas in three days.
and forget about the shower.
I don’t know if I can.
Its hard…its hard
I don’t want to go back there again
I really don’t…
I really don’t.
I’m going there aren’t I?
...yes, yes I think you are.
But am I not stronger than before?
...doesn’t look like it.
But I don’t really want to!
...it looks like you don’t have a choice.
But! But!
...too late. Depression is knocking at the door.
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nikimsum reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not sure that you need to end the poem with “Depression is knocking at the door.” It is evident from the poem that the narrator is talking about depression (or possibly addiction). I think the poem would be stronger if it ended with ”...too late.”
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Gardenia reviewed Version 1 -
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This flows well with the use of strong emotion. The use of two voices is very real. Good job of writing.
On a personal note, when I get depressed I find it helps to picture myself achieving a life goal that I have. That inspires me to work towards achieving it. It’s very easy to let depression ruin your life. Don’t let it.
Marvin reviewed Version 1 -
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Ah, our old friend depression comes a’knocking.
Third stanza is my favorite. It’s got the most tangible description. The rest is effective but a bit bland.
The internal monologue/dialogue is good, but i think you went too crazy w/ the ellipses. but that’s just me.
“I really don’t…
I really don’t.”—this is the one segment where i feel the ellipsis is appropriate. It’s showing me that the narrator is contemplating. Depression has become an old friend. Not a healthy friend, by any means, but a friend nonetheless.
bit of a paradox at the close as well. “looks like you don’t have a choice” and yet “depression is knocking at the door.” the narrator can choose to not open it.
throw out more images to begin. show me how the narrator is scared, how he is tired. telling me is just telling me and yes- it’s the old “show don’t tell” advice but i think it’s fitting.
overall, it’s a decent piece. I was waiting for a bottle of whiskey to knock on the door. and as i was waiting, i realized that it held my interest. it’s got hooks. sharpen them up and pull in some bigger fish.
thanks for sharing.
PenelopeMV reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked the beginning. I was kept in a state of tension in not knowing if the person was going crazy- being taken to jail, or the hospital. The last stanza doesn’t seem to go with the rest of the piece- it’s texture is differnt- it reads different from the rest. I think the last line blew it for me too. Don’t tell me it’s depression- show me. Needs work- but it has something in it that’s good.I like the part about not being stronger… it just has to be said in a different way. It sounds out of place the way it is.
I do like the bantering back and forth- it needs rewriting, but try and keep the questioning/debating going on.Maybe early on have someone knock on the door?
divinescribe reviewed Version 1 -
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tempting subject matter.
it resolves a little differently than I would have expected. I would have loved for you to make me work for it—more images of your depression, so that I can relate and discover the depression in me too…
I’ve been there too, so I applaud your bravery in expressing it. Don’t be afraid to go deeper; just be sure you have a friend to help you climb out of it when it’s time.
jcextra reviewed Version 1 -
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The last of this poem, is perhaps the strongest line, when the reader learns that depression, not a man, or intruder is knocking at the door, but depression can sometimes seem as if it is an intruder as well. Good use of imagery and contrast.
dust reviewed Version 1 -
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dont let it take you. not again if it has before. FIGHT IT, because you know how shit it will be if you let it win. There is no goodness in it at ALL! Even if it lingers all around you like a cloud of darkness, DON’T LET IT WIN! You don’t need it. And you know you don’t.
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