Poetry / Love, I Do Not Know It

A little confusing. maybe you should have called it confusing instead, but I like it so keep up the good work.

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February 29, 2008

by Fenvy

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
207	78.6% (56 votes)	40.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	M	LA, CA	November 03

You know, for being poetically fresh, this wasn’t a big help but thanks.  =P

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Hi again, I like this one more the more times I read it. Is espanol your family language? That would explain the curious juxtaposition of the last three lines. I have some, enough to read this and most of your other stuff. Strange thing about spanish, if you throw french into a poem it always comes out pretentious. Not so con espanol. The words ‘I must I must’ sort of throw me out of the rhythm. Take away the brackets from ‘thoughts of cliche’. You have your own voice here, with a degree of repetition as an unusual part of that and the above kills it for me.
‘I do not know it’ is ambiguous without direction. it throws us nowhere. I think, ‘but I do not know it’ brings it home and personal, leaving us with two inescapable conclusions, 1. He does not yet understand that this headache is really love.  2. That he understands, but does not have the right kind of headache, therefore, he knows he is not in love. That’s enough tease for any reasonably educated reader.
Bill

I enjoyed this read.  I spotted in error in the fourth stanza towards the end, the line with ‘never’ in it seems to be missing a word or two.  The repetition worked well for the piece.  The last stanza was a strange comparison for me.  ’Headache’ and ‘love.’  Perhaps there are better was to compare?  Just a suggestion.  Either way, don’t give up and keep on writing!

Ace

I like this. I must say your fifth line is my favorite, however I love your long group that is together. I too don’t have the headache of love. But how I wish I did. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this and therefore will love it. I like how you also mixed in spanish, clever.

I’ve lurked around urbis for a while, waiting until I find something good to write a review for and I found it tonight.  

I love your way of intermingling the Spanish and English in your poetry.  It makes it very personal.  I also love the way you chopped up the lines (not making each line a whole though); it adds to the feeling of confusion the speaker is feeling.

This is a very touching poem because it deals with so many real emotions.  Too many times people try to hide the sad side of love.  They want it to be all rainbows and smiles, but the truth is “love is a bitch”.  Even when you love someone, there are still times when you doubt it and have emotions like the speaker in this poem.  I have nothing negative about this poem, nor any of your work.

You are an amazing writer.  Keep it up.  

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June 16, 2007

by Fenvy

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
207	78.6% (56 votes)	40.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	M	LA, CA	November 03

HOLY SNAP!!! Thank you so much for your review, it has not only strengthened my confidence to keep writing, it made me smile too!  I really want to integrate more spanish to this piece though.  And now, I shall return the favor.  =]

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