Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Memories.

The problem with memories
is that there are some that
you just never can forget.
No matter how hard you try.
Becaues the vision is there,
etched into your mind.
And it hurts because they
are memories you just don’t
want to keep.
How do you sleep at night
When that familiar song,
it’s velvety music, linger in your mind?
and the lyrics scroll past your eyes?
How do you breathe knowing that
with every exhale and with every inhale,
you’re continuing to live your life
in a world that he’s breathing in with you?

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Reviews

May 11, 2007

Jay1989

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
158	63.6% (22 votes)	24.9%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	M	United Kingdom	December 11

Jay1989 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

A decent, nice poem. You really captured how some memories, though terrible, can never go away. I got confused though with the last line: is the “breathing in with you” about how a ex-lover is breathing in the same world with him/her or has it more sinister connations about him/her having being attacked?

There’s a few mistakes I saw which, if corrected, would help the poem in my opinion.

“you just never can forget” – I would lose the word “can”

“linger in your mind” – I would change it to “linger’s”

I would also separate the lines into individual verses to make it more easy to read (I actually got confused reading the fourth and fifth lines together, but I guess that’s just me!)

Overall it was a pretty good poem and your descriptions and choice of words were good.

Thanks for sharing it and good luck with writing.

Jay