Well buzzing more in the motion. And you know it’s there for the greater message. Thanks for the review. :)
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Novel Treatments / 31 (Lihin's Interlude)
“Lihin’s Interlude”
The televisions had been SCREAMING for a long while. World chaos, things like that.
They spoke of terrorist attacks across the country, of people going wild and acting unpredictable, massacres, school shootings, this and that. They spoke of a terrorist organization known as the “Seekers”.
They spoke of an organization known as the “Guardians”, formed secretively by the most holy of men in the nation.
They spoke of chaos, they spoke of violence.
They spoke of rebellion, of madness, of the end of the world.
They served as a funnel for the President to deliver His speech upon The Masses.
State of Emergency.
Full Mobilization of Armed Forces.
Enacting the New Millennium American Protection Act.
Too little too late. Blood was spilling around the world.
Then the screens simply went blank, buzzing SILENTLY.
Once the televisions had gone silent, people knew that their world was in trouble. For televisions had been awake during 9/11, during all wars, catastrophes, in recent memory. They were nothing.
However now the screens simply showed blank fuzz, a static that seemed with every shake and random sizzle to symbolize the broken spine of Mother Earth.
The long pillars of steel man had built to try to propel himself closer to the heavens, the rockets, the planes, all these things as in Babel, they were crushed by man’s own hubris.
And so there came a man who masqueraded as a prophet and then a leader and then a warrior.
And there came other men seeking only profit for themselves. Man had evolved to a new level of being, a being of devolution that used the intellect of man together with the survivalist instinct of animals to create the perfect ruthless creature.
They were at their core as close to the essence of humanity this land had ever known, and they lead lower swine with iron fists.
Imagine a world where Stalin is your next door neighbor. Where Genghis Khan is your classmate. Where you have the very potential to become an Adolf Hitler, dwelling INSIDE of you, this inherent Original Sin. This survivalist animalistic madness.
God had died long ago, if he had ever existed, but the powers of divinity and the manipulations of any messages that had been put down in his name were far too powerful for him to survive.
Perhaps he spoke to mankind, gave mankind ideals and possibilities, but mankind turned those into a dagger to thrust into the heart OF god.
This is a world where god has died, but his bones and body are being used as spears and knives to thrust into others. His tongue is used as a lash among the lower class, forcing them to be subservient.
And into this landscape, I have come.
It is not the heathens, whores, atheists or adulterers who ruined the land. They are by their frailty made more human and sympathetic.
It is though who in their denial and hubris truly believe that they are holy, that they are sacred, and that because of antiquated books of magic and fantasy they have the right to bring judgment on others.
Am I devil? Am I man? Am I GOD?
These questions are heretical foolishness, and frankly redundant.
Inside of every human being is a god and devil, these concepts are inherently human and exist only in the human mind and conscience.
Therefore they can be easily manipulated.
Call me devil, if you wish. SAVE the formality.
It is your beliefs and farcical fantasies that make ME real.
- Mr. Lihin
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RitaStorry reviewed Version 1 -
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Absolutely wonderful! I truly enjoyed reading this piece. Your talent shines through and I think that you are on a journey that will reward your well deserving efforts. Congratulations on your talent. You are havesting it well.
C. Anne
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cursorblock reviewed Version 1 -
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A nice piece here. I’m not actually sure if this is flash fiction or poetry but it reads well and is full of terrific symbolism. I’d lean toward poetry since there are many sentence fragments and the actual layout is more along those lines.
It’s starts off as more a fable being told to us from a narrator then switches to more the feel of a note left by Mr. Lihin. Kind of an odd shift to me.
Like I said there are a lot of great ideas in this. If it is part of a story and is Mr. L’s POV telling us his character with a letter type format then it’s great.
One thing:
- buzzing SILENTLY.
It may be just me but how can something both buzz and be silent? Should it be quietly?
Jacquie reviewed Version 1 -
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I am not so sure I agree with the formatting of this work if you are presenting it as a novel. It is a little disconcerting to read it. You have a great usage of voaculary – your words are well placed and carry the meaning you intend, but I usually see poetry formatted in this manner, not books. I like the premise of the work – dark and eerie – and would be tempted to move ahead if I saw more of a plot developing. This seems like the beginning and all I have read, so I could be totally off base here – I enjoy the way your mind seems to work and I hope this piece works out for you. Good Luck
anaphylaxis reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting as a piece of character development. I was mildly troubled by the association of atheists with heathans, whores and adulterers, but thats just me. The piece definitely makes the context into which it fits seem interesting. I found it to be entertaining and a relatively smooth read. Few misspellings and small grammatical issues.
Owl_Light reviewed Version 1 -
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The block capitals stilt the read. The mainly single sentence paragraphs also stop the flow.
It might be improved if you presented it without the annoying complete words in block capitals and then paragraphed the whole thing in the normal way.This would require you to use sentences throughout.
The first paragraphs would deal with the TVs.It will definitely help if you allocate the work to separate paragraphs which deal with a particular subject.
The several paragraphs starting with the same word, they, are lists of things. If you qualified each item in the lists it would add interest.
Write on!
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