Hey thanks for the comment.
This isn’t the actual play of Haunted, it’s planning, in note form.
Paragraphing is no problem to me, I care more about the story, as it will be in script form not in prose.
Stage Play / Haunted (Planning)
Haunted (Planning)
A Play by Romilly Edwards
Characters
The Ghosts/Sprits:
The Caretaker
Betsy
Jezzabell
Pennywise
Mr Tassel
Eleanor
Abe
The Humans:
Becky
Noah
The Dance (At the beginning)
Ever since I saw Wade Robson’s zombie dance I can’t get this idea out of my head, to introduce the play I would have the Caretaker leading the audience into the auditorium which would consist of Noah and Becky. The other actors would be on the stage in exaggerated poses very still as the audience would file in and the Caretaker would say, “Yes…they are amazing aren’t they? But beware don’t look into their fluttering lashes or you’ll never leave them, mark my words they are very beautiful but they aren’t pleasant creatures.” His head turns to the actors on the stage still doing their poses; he turns back to the audience with a greedy smile on his face. “It seems my little friends wish to show you something…only I am not allowed to stay and watch,” he turns to the exit of the auditorium. “Poor you! I’ll be back later, shout me if you need anything. Or maybe whisper, sometimes I feel the walls in this house can communicate with one another, nosey buggers. Anyway, see you around!” he waves menacingly and disappears mysteriously behind the door.
Now would be silence, to get the audience on their toes and hopefully to try and get them anxious and bang, the music starts and the actors begin to move especially the actors’ playing the roles of Betsy and Jezzabell: as they are dolls, their limbs would have to be more crooked and obvious to the others.
Eye contact/facial expressions are one huge factor in this play, especially the dance. The actors’ mouths would have to droop open and they would move freely and openly. The actors’ would come off the stage and dance around the audience ushering them into the middle of the floor. Listening to the song that would be right for this dance I believe their should be traits to the actors’ dancing, for example, the actor playing Eleanor could be dancing crookedly with Mr.Tassel and Abe snatches her away from him.
The dance would end and there is a blackout as the actors’ stop and stand in their finishing poses, the Caretaker would be on the stage ushering the audience to sit down and the actors’ would disappear behind the stage. As the audience are in their seats the play will start, the opening scene would be of Becky and Noah (who are dispersed in the audience.)
Relationships and Storylines:
The Caretaker: Is the narrator of this play (but has a few scenes where he would speak to the characters), he opens and closes it which is a very challenging part for this character. I picture this character having a slang/common accent like a cockney etc. This character is a menace, vile (due to how he treats the audience) and you could say he is quite evil.
Mr Tassel/Eleanor/Abe/Noah: This is a very dark and broken story which does end in death. Mr Tassel is a bachelor in his mid-thirties and his old fashioned parents arrange him to marry Eleanor, a young girl who is only sixteen. The parents are rich and buy him the Mansion which the play is set throughout its performing process. They marry then we see how Eleanor as she is treated like a prisoner when Mr Tassel leaves the Mansion to go to work, lonely and sad she meets Abe. He is seventeen and works as a gardener at the Mansion, he appears very shy towards her as Downstairs are not allowed to mix with people that actually live there. As the friendship between Eleanor and Abe warm up their feelings begin to ripple too and we then see the extent of Eleanor’s personality, for example one of her many passions are dancing. As their relationship develops Eleanor and Abe cement their feelings for one another, causing uproar for keeping their relationship a secret, as this happens Mr Tassel’s suspicion towards Eleanor’s behaviour grows. A year goes past and Mr Tassel throws a Party for his and his young wife’s anniversary during this time Mr Tassel sees his young bride with the gardener sending him into an uncontrollable rage and he drinks madly. Abe informs Eleanor that they have to end their relationship as he scared of them being found out and that she would get hurt, Eleanor argues back revealing that not only is Abe her lover but infact her soul mate. Mr Tassel drunk and angry goes to sort things right with his Eleanor until he comes across Abe running and weeping, he shouts saying he knows about their relationship and they then have a fight. Switching back to Eleanor alone in her husband’s study, she cries and reaches for a drink. She then reveals to the audience that she has a hidden vile of poison, she adds it to her drink, she shouts how Abe and her will never be happy on this earth and she drinks it before falling onto the floor dead. Meanwhile Mr Tassel and Abe fight before one is hurt; Abe is a sword through his heart. Mr Tassel runs to his study to find Eleanor dead on the ground, he revolts cold and confused running to the tower shouting and spluttering before he hangs himself.
We then meet the newcomers to the Mansion, the ten year-old Becky and the seventeen-year old Noah, they have just moved to the place. Becky is fascinated by the place while Noah thinks it’s just “an old ruin.” It is not only until he is exploring the study till he meets the ghost of Eleanor, he first hears melancholic singing and sees her dancing rather solemnly and lonely. She is very enchanting towards him as she never utters a word and leads him around the house, she giggles every now and again as she has Noah chasing after her. It is only until she stops and kisses him, she gives out the feel that Noah is Abe, he tries to tell her that she is mistaken but she doesn’t listen to him and she leads him to many places over the Mansion this is where Noah finds out about her history and his attempt to escape the Mansion with his sister, as the place is haunted.
Pennywise/Betsy/Jezzabell/Becky: This is another dark piece of Drama, before evolving Becky (Noah’s sister) into the play, there are scenes consisting of monologues from Betsy and Jezzabell. One such scene is Betsy and Jezzabell sitting rigidly on the edge of the stage, Betsy’s head lifts as there is a spotlight on her, “I hate being a dolly! Squeak squeak!” whether Jezzabell would be different – opposing personalities. Becky would now come into the story where she enters the room where Betsy and Jezzabell are, this is quite a sadistic and mean scene as Jezzabell plays a joke on Becky by trying to scare her, that is when Betsy speaks out. In this play I want there to be a warm friendly relationship between Betsy and Becky, then I would introduce the evil to why Betsy and Jezzabell are in that encased condition. As I hate clowns, Pennywise, is a real freak, the loose nail.
The history of this clown is that he used to run a freak show and he came to the Mansion as it was empty and deserted. People hated him because of his pompous attitude saying that he could do a magic, and called himself “a magician.” The obsession got to his mind so much that he kidnapped two young girls, Betsy and Janey (Jezzabell) and actually turned them into living dolls.
As Becky and Noah are new to the house, Pennywise sees Becky and he wants to make her into his possession, he tries to woo her, for example playing eerie music which entices the girl. Betsy tries to warn Becky of Pennywise’s actions, but Jezzabell keeps pushing her, only until Becky sees what Pennywise actually does/or capable for his magic.
This play would run into the same time frame, for example Noah running in panic and Becky bumps into him from fright, then Becky would tell Noah, “It’s horrible…th-this house,” and then the monologues from the dolls would begin.
If you ever performed my play, what character would you want to be and why? (Not to sound pompous or anything, but I’d like to hear people’s views on this.)
Copyright© Romilly Edwards 2007.
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pariah reviewed Version 1 -
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jvenhaus2 reviewed Version 1 -
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This sounds like a great story, and making into a great play will be quite a challenge. I encourage you to think “theatrically”. In other words, as you move from planning to a first draft of a script, think about how these events will be staged. You have a clear vision on how the caretaker opens the play, but other parts, such as the Eleanor/Abe/Noah storyline have well developed stories and characters, but I’m unclear on how you would stage them (they contain LOTS of locations, and quick transitions between them) This is a great start. I look forward to reading the script.
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Gabrielle reviewed Version 1 -
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hellecchino reviewed Version 1 -
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Jessica42 reviewed Version 1 -
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To tell you the truth this idea sounds a lot ‘the haunted mansion’ at disneyland. I can picture just one of the stories going on, and Noah and Becky both investigating it, but they way that you have it the two different sets of ghost have very little to do with each other other than being in the same house.
But then again, I might not be seeing your ideas the way you are. How the stage play is written and the dialouge will decide whether this different idea would work out. I defiently think that if you had a different medium, like a novel or a screenplay this would be easier to do.
rsaioxkreual reviewed Version 1 -
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aquaruischick reviewed Version 1 -
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Everytime someone new speaks you need a new paragraph. You also need a storyline, details and descriptions on each character. A backstory may help as well. THis piece needs alot of work. YOu should either edit it or start over.
See if you can find websitess for playwritings this may help. Good luck and keep on writing.
You will find the knack.
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