Poetry / sandcastle

when i prayed
for the strength
to just walk away…
far away
from the shores
towards
another day…
i had found me a castle
that was made of sand
i had found me a home
in the shape of man

yes, this castle that i found
it looked just like u…
like these dreams
i had dreamed
except this dream was true…
still i wondered if this castle could just be
built for two…

walked inside
for a while
to go observe the view

yeah, i looked outside the windows
and i saw paradise…

but
it
still
did not
compare
to how it felt inside…

seemed like heaven
was a part
of the interior design…

so u see
jus’ why my heart
would want to call this
mine…

but as i looked close at the structure
i became afraid…
being just made out of sand
this could be washed away…

so i questioned
myself
“should i go or stay?”
as the wind whispered to me

“all we have’s today…”

and i realized
it was true
today is all we have…
so i thanked Heaven for you
my castle made of sand…

for giving shelter
to a boy
during the time you can…

held the key
opened the lock
and let my heart go in…

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Reviews

April 21, 2007

handsdown_1

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
14	87.5% (8 votes)	100.0%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
18	M	Hutchins, TX	September 19

handsdown_1 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

WOW!
THATs really all I can possibly say.
I really like this, but I feel every now and then you add a little word that could be cut out. Only in my opinion though.
I loved how you used sand as a natural element, but didnt over use it.
Through mid way you even awknowledge the fact that sand is weak but you sought out the happiness it held anyway.
“for giving shelter to a boy during the time you can…”
This speaks to me in a million different ways but you voiced through just right.
This is a SERIOUS fave of mine.
high five MAN