Poetry / on leaving us behind

How does leaving footprints in the tarmac have anything to do with knowing the roads will always be loving to the narrator? That someone enjoys the warmth of wool has nothing also to do with leaving tip-toes in the snow…there is a sadness to this poem, that narrator decides to bear the cold alone, but he is also loved by all the roads. I am confused.

you leave traces of
tip-toes and secrets in the snow because
your eyes enjoy the
warmth of wool and i’ve decided
to bear the cold alone.

I like this. I like you. Good job. Couple of things, though.

First, lower case ‘i’... pet peeve of mine. You aren’t EE Cummings. Whatever, it’s your perrogative.

Your first stanza makes me all tingly with joy at your fresh-to-urbis goodness.

The second stanza: I like the first two lines, (traces of tip-toes = ♥)but when we get to eyes/wool, I get stuck. If you’re trying to say something about enjoying the look of someone in wool, you’re going to need a modifier. I know its poetic rendering, but eyes don’t wear sweaters, I just don’t think it Works. Also, the tarmac stanza is about heat. You can’t leave footprints in tarmac unless it is hot. The second stanza is cold, but I don’t really understand how they correllate.

Work on your meaning in the second stanza and if you’re gonna keep the hot/cold, try on slipping a line in to explain the juxtoposition.

Keep it up, great first post, kid.

Love, love.

It’s a good start. I don’t think it’s quite done yet.

Seems that the scene has just started in stanza1 and ends in stanz2, but where’s the body of the story? How do we get from the tarmac to dying alone in the cold? The metaphors could be situated better so that the reader doesn’t ask practical questions, but looks for the meaning of the symbols and how they connect to the overall narrative.
Also, pay attention to how the lines end. A few of the lines end in prepositions, even though they’re not sentences it’s still bad form. The reader is left with the end of a line/statement being indeterminate.
I suggest reading the last word in each line and seeing if these words leave your with an impacting image/sound/impression.

Good luck in your endeavors on this site.