Poetry / None
Here we are, now
Like a purple swelling supernova
Glass-smooth legs twisted inside each other
Folded and crooked like a swastika
Ancient symbol, loving symbol of Jains and swift kamikaze complaining
That’s us, again and again, cinematic
Once powerful and universal
Now maligned by the old and ugly
Power struggle
Pains and the cancer of the human condition
That’s us, again, and again, through and through
One gasp and sex in the shower
And the whole secret’s up
Snowden’s secret, roaring like madmatched warplane engines
You’re just meat, and me, too,
And when it’s gone and dust is dust
We’ll be lost like the fleshy bent cross
Under an avalanche of great bad beliefs.
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I think you’re writing about your take on the futility of the human condition in a corrupt society but some of your metaphors or images are too obtuse. A star swells before it becomes a supernova, which is byproduct of an exploding star whose core has collapsed on itself. Lines 3&4 take a rigid material and give it way too much flexibility to be believable. References to the Jains, Snowden’s Secret expect too much from your reader, as if everyone should know this esoteric information. When you end the line on “Old and ugly” does that refer to people or to the line below, “power struggle?” But the real question is why will we be lost and for what reason? You’re caught up in language (what is a fleshy bent cross?) extolling something but the point get’s lost somehow. I would watch your line breaks too. Perhaps you can’t come up with a title as the poem has no more a meaning than repeating your view of the cancer you think is the human condition, but why? where did it come from, is there no nope? all man is matter and will rot anyway. Why bother, is that what you’re saying? Curious.
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I think there are some really nice, original descriptions and metaphors in this poem, but it could still use some revision. But you asked for possible titles. Swastika might be a good one, or “Yin and Yang” might be better, more subtle. If the poem’s end was a little harder hitting, you could even call it “Adolph and Eva.”
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