Poetry / Hurry
You know what I saw?
I saw myself tremble
Electric pictures and rapid palpitations
Running, storming through rustling leaves
And gnarled ancient trees
Just to see you
And I was falling
Climbing and clamoring, breathing in the moonlight
Ducking through the grass and the sounds
And clutching and tearing at myself, cold and wet,
Stuttering, stumbling, always fasting and stumbling
And the night was so long,
So long
And perilous.
The ground is stained blue
And so much is undone
In wild terror-visions
Through the blackened rivalry
Of moon and star
Let me go to the quiet place
Inside you.
Deep breaths,
Slowly,
Calmly
I will come
And the doubts will tremble with me
I will kneel
And be there
Whole
Inside you.
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Hmmmmm, interesting. I like your use of the word come, and the repetition of “be inside of you.” It has the obvious meaning but also a spiritual one that makes the usage interesting. It would be nice if the poem was tighter – it seems to flit about a bit. A little like an acid trip perhaps, especially the first stanza. Nice imagery in stanza two, I’d like to see more of it throughout the poem. Keep writing!
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