Poetry / I Am Jesus

i am jesus
yes
the one and only illegitimate child
of our lord, god
watch me as a traipse
from puddle to puddle
like hopscotch
clockwork
puddles and inch and a half deep
but i can walk upon them
without getting my Converse’ wet
jesus am i
but not immortal
not immune to these desires of human beings
not immune to the desire to feed
on flesh
to sell
to steal
to break all of the commandments
and to be a sinner of each cardinal sinner
i am not immune to wanting
and to being
and to living up to people’s expectations
god, my father
i am so tired of living up to people’s expectations
i am tired of walking on water
to save that beach ball that was led astray
i am tired of turning water into wine
for the homeless along the river
i am tired of curing the ailments of those teenagers
that don’t have the sense to wrap themselves
i am tired of being tired
and i am tired of not being tired
i am tired, my father
of all these street prophets falling to their knees
and praying to me
“sweet jesus, deliver us from evil
save us from our sins”
what are you doing up there, dad?
do i have to do it all myself now?
i’m not a saint
no, i am not a saint
and i am not a prophets
and i am not a desciple
i am not your apprentice
i am not a god
i’m not going to be your messenger
because, last time i checked, the shoot the messenger
dear father, if you want something done
get down here and do it yourself
because i am tired of being prayed to
i’m tired of eyes watching me whereever i go
i’m tired of this golden light around me
i’m tired of this halo
i’m tired of people kissing my shoes on the street
i’m tired of having clean feet
i’m tired of being the son of our lord, god
i’m tired of being the savior
and i am tired of delivering us from evil
i will sin
i will break and i will bend
and i will sin, as sinners do
i will bleed
but i will not bleed for you
or these people
and i will not cry
i will not pity
i will not love
i will sin to the deepest core of my being
i am jesus
yes
the one and only illegitimate child
of our lord, god
and i am a sinner