Poetry / Flawless

Very nice! You have a couple punctuation errors, but the images and flow is gorgeous. You use smooth perfect flawless to start, then only the flaw- throughout. Maybe take out the other two words? I think you could pare this down a little, and only the raw emotions would stand out then – take out the extraneous words.  Marks duplicate – maybe transfer?  I’d love to read this after a rewrite. Great start.

Some really nice visuals that your words have created here. I know your poem is about the skin but is there any way you coud have used the word skin less. It just kept coming up and feling a little redundant to me.

A really good topic by the way. These are some of the same feelings that I feel when I meet someone I realy like/admire/consider flawless and you put these intangible suggestions into a beautifully illustrated form.

I like the neat orderly structure of your poem. with the word alone every few paragraphs. It sets a nice rythm that slows everything down and makes you reflect on what that section is about. Good job. Keep at it!

Overall, a very good start. I think you could make it stronger if you reserve the word Flawless for just the first and the last stanzas, and remove it from the middle of the poem. I don’t think it’s needed in the second stanza, and actually slows down the rhythm. I would also remove the space between unblemished. When I read the first few stanzas, I thought it was a mother describing her son, especially with the part about years passing and turning him into a man. But halfway through, the poem seems to take a different tone, almost like that of a would-be lover describing her secret desire…  so I think you need to make the voice and the perspective clearer in the beginning. I really liked the image about wanting to hold his Flawlessness in her pocket and rolling it to comfort herself. I’d like to learn in the poem why she needs him to save her. Why is she so Flawed? Do they have a long history together? Is he the reason she feels Flawed, because he rebuked her love? It’s a solid draft, and with more revisions could be very good. Nice work.

Wow. This is an amazing poem. It is both thoughtful and emotional. Some readers might identify with the speaker in this poem—feel that they have felt that way before. The content is great and presented in a “reachable” way. This work is almost flawless. I must point out a few problems, though:
One, “unblemished” is one word. (Typo)
Two,  ”Twitch with desire to touch something long gone from before me” is nearly unintelligible. Try to make it easier on the reader.
Otherwise, I loved this poem. (It’s like you shone a flashlight through my skull.) Good work.

This is very beautiful to me. I can really relate to it. I love the end. The idea that someone feeling flawed could be made to feel better by someone seen as “flawless” is powerful. Great work. Very touching.