Poetry / Cold Pizza
So it’s cold pizza and some vodka
and I rode around all night
3AM and the secret’s dead
Everything we never said
This seperations kind of strange
Addiction to withdrawl
Say hello – and bye again
A sad song for my heart.
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I would agree with the feeling that this is unfinished. Are you speaking to a person or to a drug? Maybe you could add a line or two and explain the ended relationship more fully.
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Yes, please omit the last stanza. Also, lose the ’s from “It’s 3Am’s” as well as the second “and” (Everything we never said). I think that “A sad song for my heart” is a great last line. It leaves the reader wrenched. What about:
3AM and the secret’s dead
Everything we never said
...
Say hello – and bye again
A sad song for my heart.
Think about poetry jams and reading this out loud. It has music in it…
The flow of this piece felt choppy to me as I was reading it aloud. I would add some emotion to this piece. I liked the stanza of Addiction to withdrawal. Thank you for sharing.
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