Well, I thought ‘buy’ and ‘died’ were close enough. Say them out loud and see if it works better for you that way.
Poetry / We Are Never So Loved
We are never so loved as when we die
And rivers of tears are being cried
By mourners, overcome with grief
Who adorn our casket with floral wreaths
So beautiful, yet no one thought to buy
Them for us until we died
We are never so loved as when we are dead
And all those we knew gather ‘round our head
Our every deed is now rejoiced
Our virtues sang in solemn voice
Not a word of it uttered while we were near
And its melodic sound could soothe our ear
Those who criticized, now speak of love
And with faces turned to heaven above
They say sweet words we would have held so dear
What a pity we will never hear
Those words of praise, or loving sighs
That are stored away nicely, for when one dies
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Geminirose reviewed Version 1 -
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It really makes you think about how people who are alive are treated less than ones who have passed on. It’s kind of a tragedy to not recognize a person until they are gone.
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Bugsy reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow. That’s all I can say. This is wonderfull. It’s so true, too. It’s just, wow. I can’t stop saying wow.
April 01, 2007
Deleted User
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You write to rhymm, and you do so in the last two stanzas, aa, bb,cc what hapenedd to the first stanza, it does not have the rhymm. After die, you have one very long sentence and than end with died! it is more to being prose, you could do better, unless that is the effect you are projecting. So sorry if I got it wrong.
jungsnkim reviewed Version 1 -
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The rhyme scheme seems to work quite nicely into a sweet eulogy packet. I like the sweet bitterness it offers that we smile in the eyes of heaven and praise those who have passed on and never could it be more true. I do like your style and the sense of irony and truth in this piece. Many should read this and see if they find truth in it as well. I like the write. I never really detest the sing song rhymes like many tend to do here. Good job.
Daniella reviewed Version 1 -
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Although the rhyme is sometimes forced I enjoyed this poem very much. It is so true and few poems these days dwell on such a topic. It is almost a throwback to a previous time, kind of nostalgic in meaning and in form. I think our virtues sang should be our virtues sung. What I like about this poem is that it is sad and yet humorous at the same time. I think it is wonderful and accessible as well.
artattackz reviewed Version 1 -
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right, right, right, sentiment, content, emotion, mood, you hit them all. well done. antiquarian in style, but even that aspect hits the mark
heartbreakeven reviewed Version 1 -
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good explication of an idea, and i thought the rhyme scheme was well done and not overly intrusive. the almost sing-song rhythm of it contrasts nicely with the subject matter.
whitey reviewed Version 1 -
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an interesting take on dying that is very true of how people act at funerals especially the part about those who criticized now speaking of love, i liked that line a lot
whitey
WizardofWit reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought this was a good idea, though a little negative. I personally have not felt this way about death, but I’m sure it is very truthful for many people. And you have captured the mood and feeling very nicely. Good job.
elliek reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed this one and think you have done a great job.
The feeling comes across perfectly and is something that all of us know. The subject is all too real and true. Something that every person knows they should change about the way we don’t say those things we do when it’s too late. It is also sort of a sad reminder that apparently that is just part of being human…taking people and life for granted. Best wishes!
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