Poetry / The Prize

i really like the imagry

i could really see what you were saying

Nice piece. You have a very unique style and way of describing things, I like that. You should maybe add a coma in between “love is foolish, love is strange”. One other thing I’m a little confused about is, you say “A fools errand” – what exactly does that mean? Overall, nice job.

This was an okay poem.  I liked the last stanza, and the way it was written. I’m not sure what, but I think it just needs a little extra something to make it a stronger poem.

This is a very sad poem.
I am a realist and I understand the shortcomings of love, but I refuse to believe that love cannot be conquered. But thats just my opinion and it has nothing to do with your writing capabilities (which are very good) and your personal potrayal of love. But if there was one goal you set to achieve out of this poem, which was to let people know your exact feelings on the subject, you did it with ease.

-kry.

This is AMAZING. I loved your imagery and your analogies. Beautifully done!

This is a very good poem. I am only 14 and I love to write poems. You could use a little help on your grammar. Nice visual words your using. Everyone news room for improvement.  

Stanza 1: To paraphrase, ‘Love is a thing of hate and splendor that never lets go of your soul until you earn its embrace.’  I really don’t know what you mean by earn its embrace.  How do you do this, and how does that allow it to let go?

Stanza 2:  Starting S2 with ‘Or’ makes it become a continuation of S1, and not a stanza in its own right.  I think you need a comma after ’...is strange…’.  I don’t like L3 and L4 as they sound very cliched and simplistic.  The strange/explained rhyme may be a primary factor here.

Stanza 3:  You need a comma after ‘misleads’ I think, although it may be a problem with how you’ve broken the lines.  ’Turning’ applies to L4, and might work better on L4 in place of ‘all the’.

Stanza 4:  I think ‘that’ at the end of L1 is redundant and can be removed.  The meter fails in L3 and L4.  Perhaps change to ‘cry out loud for it’, and remove ‘and’ at the end of L3.  Add a few more words to L4, and consider switching ‘find’ for ‘hear’ to follow the use of ‘cry out’ on L3.

Stanza 5:  ’and yet are never won’ might work better for L2.  ’fall short’ in L4 works fairly well with both quill and sword metaphors.  The repetition of ‘and yet’ in L2 and L4 is deliberate I’m sure, but doesn’t work well for me.

Stanza 6:  I think you need a comma after ‘mind’ in L1.  L2 seems a little short for the meter used elsewhere, although it does match L4.  This last stanza is probably the best.

I think you’re onto something good here, it just needs a bit more work.  Good luck.