I guess I like I’d a bit too much. Perhaps I also do say more than I think…. but you hit the head on the nail. I really needed to communicate with people, without giving names or singling anyone out, and hoped this could be read passively by certain people but still know I was talking to them.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Darkness and Silence
I thought I’d made it through the darkness and found a slightly better lighted area. True, I was not basking in glorious, secure bright light, but I could see things and not stub my toes – and thought I’d made progress. Unfortunately, I didn’t see that big, gaping hole in the floor, and in trying not to stub my toe, I fell down into a dismal pit of self loathing again. Oh well, let’s see if I can crawl back out again. Ish.
I thought I may have finally won the struggle against my overwhelming depression. I thought that I had finally made it through…. then I just started falling into darkness again. However, I brought a glowstick with me this time. Sure it’s blue, a colour commonly equated with negative feelings, but it does glow and it it’s fairly bright. I can get back to where I was and then venture further, can’t I? I’ll just entertain myself by twirling this here glowstick and whatnot and try not to think about the sadistic darkness that awaits to devour my body, heart, and soul. That glowstick? Hope. Not a bright one, and jaded with colours of despairing feelings – it won’t last long.
What am I communicating? I managed to tolerate myself and get myself in motion to moving forward and on, but somehow I crashed. It isn’t a hopeless situation, but rather discouraging and frustrating. However, I’ve made progress, which proves I’m not worthless. I just wish… that a few people that matter a lot to me could see I’m not always a burden, and I’m not always unhappy… and see past this shroud I seem to have wrapped myself in.
Furthermore, I don’t like this volume of silence. It’s distracting, and overpowering. It’s discouraging, and menacing. It’s cruel. It’s hurtful. It may serve it’s purpose, and be treasured by some – but the silence I continue to hear each day… I don’t know if I can bare it. I try to put it in the back of my mind, but it won’t be gone. Screaming won’t do any good, because once the echo has its last breath, it returns with vengeance. It’s always there. ALWAYS! Always waiting so patiently, so maliciously. I can hear it smiling at me, so smug… whispering how foolish of a girl I am. Maybe mocking me, maybe telling me how it adores me while it laughs in my face with nothing but the blackest cackle. It won’t let me move on, whilst noise tells me to move on along with it and leave silence in the dust- but I’m stuck in silence and darkness. A word, kind or mean, just as long as it’s a word with meaning, would be bliss. It may be bitter bliss, but nonetheless, I could hardly ask for anything more. I am just waiting for the waves of silence to break and tug me to either the unveiling of my fear, or the reassurance of my hopes, rather than hang me in torment.
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Serenity46 reviewed Version 1 -
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thank you for sharing..it was not hard to follow at all and held many little pieces of information many can relate to..I enjoyed reading this, well done
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Idrequired reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you say more then you think to a lot of people. This shows someone who is trying to break free and wants not just certain people to know but everyone to to they are here and worth some thing. You have written a very powerful piece of your personal feeling and thoughts and done it well. The first line I would change the word (I’d) to (I had) and the other places that you have used this spelling. .There are a couple of typos instead of (is) you have (Ish) Glowstick should be two separate words. (Glow-stick) Other then that I would not change a thing.
morganellen0157 reviewed Version 1 -
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“I don’t like this volume of silence. It’s distracting, and overpowering. It’s discouraging, and menacing.”
I love this phrase. It makes silence so vivid! I am not sure that I feel comfortable being critical as this is a journal/diary entry and I don’t think those should be judged.
However, I think that you have a very interesting concept here, and obviously a nack for explaining what is in your head…perhaps this musing could be the basis of a some form of fiction writing…whether poetry or short story. I am interseste to see what you do, should you choose, with this inspirational piece.
syd1123 reviewed Version 1 -
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A bit above average write I enjoyed it alot talks of the pains of this world and expresses yourself in a personal not general way Ilike it
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