Poetry / An Artist's Mask
In the morn’ when sunlight breaks
Over roofs with metal grates,
Through my window iron-barred,
And has my dream-drawn picture marred.
Intrusive with it’s blinding light
And through my eyelids shut so tight,
It shoves the darkness from it’s way,
To bring about the hearken day,
To rouse the dreamers from their sleep,
To bring the light to dark and deep.
But here, enveloped in the sheets
Over which the sunlight creeps,
I wrestle with my daily task,
To rise and wear my daily mask.
Every day I wear it out,
Laugh, sing, and dance about.
For if I leave without it on,
They’ll ridicule, ‘till I am gone.
So, in the Sun I wear it still,
Until Sun drops behind the hill.
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Hi.
Just a couple of grammar things:
I think “it’s blinding light” and “it’s way” should be “its”.
Your first stanza doesn’t quite make sense; it begins
“In the morn’ when sunlight breaks…” which indicates that you’re going to tell us what happens when the sunlight breaks – but you don’t. I think you either need to change the “And” in the fourth sentence to “It” or remove the “when” from the first (or similar – have a play around with it).
I think ”’till” should be ”’til” (as in ‘until’)...but check with someone else because i’m not 100% certain.
I like the language of your first and second stanzas, and the flow of the third stanza. The fourth, i’m not overly-keen on – couplet one especially; after the quality of the rest, its rhymes seem predicatable and a little amateur (which you are not).
However, as a whole, it’s fine and an enjoyable read. I just think you’re capable of improving it a bit.
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