Standing alone in the forest of forgotten feelings
Frozen over by loss
Hidden by displays of feigned healings.
Standing alone my forest, the heart stays wanting
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide;
My mind, your voice stays haunting.
Trapped in the forest, no way to get free,
It’s consuming my every thought;
Taking sanity from me.
My forest, seemingly impossible to be;
Stretching further than sight can reach
Yet the end, I clearly see.
Staring deep into my forest, all I see is you..
Did I forget you? No
...I tried, that much is true…
...The forest will grow
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such deep feelings.. i could feel that these emotions are still raw..
nicely penned !!
I like the last part.
The first stanza’s nice too, but in the later bits it becomes a little incoherent, in lines such as ‘My mind, your voice stays haunting.’ and ‘Yet the end, I clearly see.’ I guess for those kinds of lines the reader can roughly guess what you’re trying to say [I’m guessing you’re trying to put the message across in an indirect manner?] but sometimes it gets a little too unclear. Maybe you can make it just a little clearer, but without stating it too obviously if that’s your purpose.
P.S. the word forest is a nice word =)
As a first poem this is quite commendable and shows a lot of potential and is quite revealing and poignant. Literally Forest inside a Shell reads more like a little forest growing inside a sea shell, even though I think it might mean a forest within the shell of a person it is still a metaphor that doesn’t quite work for me, you can’t be inside of yourself and stare into your forest and watch it grow. The forest of forgotten feelings is a splended phrase and might consider this for the title. The word itself is overused in the poem. Not sure how one can be hidden by feigned healings. feigned feelings, perhaps. not sure about that line. I would give another go at this poem, revision, revision is what it is all about and would love to read another version of this.
needs more clarity and editing
To be honest, for a first serious piece this actually keeps a nice form. You’re right, it does feel more like a “venting piece.” Yet while it might not be universally appealing, I can see many appreciating the flow of emotion. While I ran into a few things that might strike me as odd, this actualy isn’t bad.
this projects deep feelings, as most petry writers do, as a poet myself, i find reading other writers work very enjoyable. this is very good and would be interested to see any more work you have, but may i make a suggestion? please try to produce a varied range of topics in your writing, this is because; a lot of people do not like poetry, due to the fact that a vast majority of poetry is deep and sombre
Very nice. I like the pattern, rhyme and beat to it. The forest is an odd metaphor, however originality is not a bad thing either. Keep it up!
I loved it! Really, i can understand how you feel from the poem. And it flows so well…Good job!
Well, it’s just OK, but it is a first try. The opening line is excellent. So is the second. The third is no where near as good as the first two so it stands out as barren. I like the concept in each verse. It takes a long time to be a good poet. I’ve only written one poem in thirty years that’s any good. Remember, I’m being critical on a national level. But what should please you is this poem is no better or worse than any other first draft. It has merit and deserves to be worked on.
Is this about love lost? Or love found? Or maybe love growing? I like it, it has many meanings, at least to me.
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