Thanks for the comment, and I think I agree. I have taken a little time away from the poem and on coming back to that those lines stick out the most, which is a good technique if they were the most important, unfortunatly they are not. THanks very much for the comment, I think I may make that change.
Poetry / We Carried Logs
We Carried Logs
The wood was cut to quarters,
thick splinters of roughly hewn logs
rubbed harshly against my skin.
Winter always smelled like burning wood.
the chill wind wafted the smoke from chimney tops
to the long, high wood pile in the back
by the tree line.
My brother and I stacked equal piles on outstretched arms
as wood and winter bit through thick cotton.
That chore,
a hand-me-down shirt and ungloved hands,
the subtle scent of smoke swirling down to us from the heavens
resting gently on our noses,
my arched back, heaving the weight of an older brother’s load,
my young fingers, set like sentries posted fixed,
half by ice
half by duty
as I stumbled blindly
head below my load towards the house and chimney.
It all branded my brain
with the heat
of the fire we fed.
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cassie275 reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like this. I can’t feel the stiffness of the younger persons fingers and the cold draft through their cotton clothes. Was the “branding” on the brain that they needed warmth and that their was job was important for that reason?
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DragonKatet reviewed Version 1 -
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I love the imagery in this! You use concrete, vivid sights, smells, etc. and it pulls the reader into the moment. The one line in the poem that seemed a little awkward to me was “my young fingers, set like sentries posted fixed/” the whole “set like sentries posted fixed” just felt ‘off’ to me. I knew what you were trying to say, but I wonder if there would be a better way to say it? You have wonderful alliteration, though! And I love the last 3 lines – they tie everything together with your imagery. :)
cap10martini reviewed Version 1 -
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wow i really like this, but I must comment on the line of Branded my brain. I get it and understand the connection to heat, but something about it I just do like. It may be a personal taste thing but Something about that line jumps out at me in a negative way.
Zachass reviewed Version 1 -
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Simple and nice I like this alot.
I grew up in the northwest and used to go and hunt cut wood and stuff of that nature. Frankly I hated it with a passion!!!
But you take to a level I appreciate.
All my best, Zachass
metaphysical reviewed Version 1 -
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This really hits home to me, as I have been carrying wood for our fireplace since I could walk. It is all so descriptive, and it’s all so realistic to the chore. And it’s so truthful, the part about branding the brain, I’ll never forget all those long horrible hours cutting, carrying, and stacking wood. This may be one of the best I have seen on this site yet.
Daniella reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a wonderful poem about winter. Reminds me of Robert Frost in it’s affection for a time and place and season. I can actually feel what it’s like to be there cold, struggling with the splintered, rough, wooden logs, smelling the warm fires burning, fingers frozen. Although few words describe the poet or speaker, I can picture him or her stumbling blindly, bent over by the weight of the wood as he or she enters the warm house. I love the images and the ending.
momsgirl2 reviewed Version 1 -
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I loved this, it reminds me of my youth and home and doing the same thing for warmth. Nice poem with an old timers twist to it.
March 02, 2007
Deleted User
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Nicely done. I think writing a poem so thoughtfully for such a mundane task is quite a feat. Enjoyed the imagery. Liked the pace of the poem. Passages I particularly like are, “the chill wind wafted the smoke from chimney tops” -- really nice that you used “chill” instead of the predictable “chilly” -- that was nice. also, I enjoyed the passage, “my arched back, heaving the weight of an older brother’s load, ” I felt like I could read into the passage beside the obvious. Overall nicely done. Would have given more points for a bit more content. Good job.
Rol reviewed Version 1 -
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A wonderful memory written very well. I would change one word – Smoke in 3rd line, 3rd verse. Maybe change it to “the subtle scent of burning ” or delete it entirely & just go with “the subtle scent swirling down. . . “
TheM0of reviewed Version 1 -
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A very descriptive poem. The words created in my mind cold mornings and two boys carrying wood to their hearth. I could see the vapor in the air from their breath as their faces glowed with rouge from the cold.
A vivid and vibrant write. I found it very enjoyable.
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