Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / GONE
The night is weary. My life is ending. My heart is failing, breaking. The love of my life has left me alone with nothing. Here I sit with the only two possessions left to my name—a concrete block and a revolver with one shot. Now I just sit here in the dark on the river’s bank with only the moon and a few dim stars to comfort me. The city lights reflect off the tempting ripples. The water looks cold. I sit. Slowly I slip my feet from their worn shoes. The water is too cold. That will take too long and I don’t think I could force myself that far. I need something that works fast. Something I will not feel. I take a second look at my revolver. All of my pain would be over instantly. I turn my head upward and pray a silent prayer to the God of the universe. Perhaps He will show me something to live for. Else, I die here. Is it meet that I my existence be so miserable. My vaporous life is hanging by the thread that truly is not mine to cut. Tears stream from my broken countenance. I dance the revolver over my cold fingers and play with it in my hands. The gun makes a tiny clank against my wedding band. I stop to sulk in the memories. The happiness soon turns to a hate that seers to the deepest part of my soul. I grip the revolver until my hand numbs. I beat the gun into the ground to release the emotions. I curled exhausted on the cold earth. Her cool dirt soothed my seething heart. I nurtured the revolver and held it close to my chest with my finger on the trigger. I’ve lost my way. I will take what is not mine to take.
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This can work in a variety of ways. It is too short for much of anything, but is definitely grounds for a good story.
The best part I liked about this piece is the internal emotional struggle that the narrator is involved with. Debating on not whether or not they should live or die, but how they would die.
One word of caution though, when you write from an emotional type personification, be careful not to become too emotional.
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I was immediately drawn into the hopelessness and sorrow.
What happens next – does he or doesn’t he pull the trigger? What more thoughts could he have? Would they push him into doing it – or pull him out of doing it?
You could go many ways with this and it could eventually become a short story.
Keep up with the emotions all the way!!
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April 01, 2007
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