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Poetry / Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle
The location and motion of a particle
Can never be simultaneously known.
Determining location obscures motion;
Measuring motion hides location.
If you work out either one
You can calculate how likely
It is you’ll be able
To work out the other.
But that’s it.
This makes protons and their ilk
Seem different from vehicles like
Ships, trains, buses and planes.
Timetables confirm these suspicions.
However, the uncertainty principle is still there
At a macroscopic level.
It’s just most of the time,
We don’t notice it.
Until the bus is late.
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wordwan reviewed Version 2 -
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I so love this last line.
It’ makes me grin.
Are you in? Sir?
Heather, reviewing shadows
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BeeDot reviewed Version 2 -
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I have never read a poem of this kind before but I really enjoyed it. The last line is especially good. Keep up the good work!
mattgeary reviewed Version 2 -
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I enjoyed this poem and its enveloping finale revealing the level upon which we comprehend things, unbeknownst to us the varying levels upon which life operates. Also, it indicates the complete ignorance most of us wish to understand the science of life, and that we only pay attention when it directly effects us to our knowledge. Hence the bus being late. Well done.
the_girl_in_the_shadows reviewed Version 1 -
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A wonderful concept and connection to make, but it still needs some work to really flesh it out. The first stanza starts with a compelling strong idea that reflects an interesting title, yet the second half of the first stanza is over the head of most people without physics background (myself included.) If you intend your audience to be people with physics background, you should solicit feedback from them. If you are trying to reach out to a general audience, I suggest cutting or at least breaking down the second half or so of the first stanza.
The comparison you are trying to make is interesting, but you dont integrate the two sides of it enough. It choppily moves from one side (particles) to the other (automobiles) and discursively tells us some of the differences between them. A strong metaphor could form with a little bit more integration of the two sides of the comparison, a little more subtlety, and a little bit more exploration of the macrocosm/microcosm relationship.
I think it would be more relatable if you wrote about people as opposed to automobiles, but that’s up to you.
It’s a good start.
l.e.n.
Brandnewlovely reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, I had to read it twice! Since it is poetry, I wouldn’t have named names, I would have given a description of the named, in some way. I do however, really love the last two lines, and I also love the first two lines. I like the overall, however, in some ways, it seems more like a description instead of a poem. Thank you for posting this, and very good luck in your future writings! H
daydream_nation reviewed Version 1 -
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given that one is akin with humanity, and not perceiving ships, trains, buses, planes or cars objectively just as we do protons and neutrons…
which implies that this being perceiving humanity objectively (say, an alien being) would be just as nescient of human logic, might not even recognize such a thing, just as we regard the behavior of sub-atomic particles, which is to us wholly unknown and random in the universal sense…
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