Thx for your comments. Since you are Mr. Sarcasm I take it you didn’t like this piece. It is written in stream-of-consciousness and without removing pencil from paper. Just an exercise in writing that I wanted to share without getting too preachy about its theme.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Video Town
I stayed home today because I have a time-off award and I was just worried about my cat so I stayed home with him. He is 15 years old and shows signs of nausea as he has lost his appetite. He also threw up in the kitchen a couple of days ago. My boss told me to do something fun today so I am writing in my blog and listenning to headphones, Plantronics to be exact, the first ones on the moon. I also went out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant across the street from where Video Town used to be. Video Town was my favorite Video/DVD rental place until they closed just about the time I started my blog, about two months ago. It was a win-win type of place. The people who worked there were so low-key nice and the selection of movies was outstanding while the prices were dirt cheap. You can’t beat that but sadly, they went out of business. No more cute red-haired guy, with the motorscooter and the interesting T-shirts like Ren and Stimpy, talking on the cell phone to his girlfriend he still had it together to comment on your rental. Wednesdays were discount day with new releases only $1.50. Unheard-of! No wonder they went out of business when Blockbuster and Hollywood Video are charging roughly $4.60 per movie. Going out to pick out your movie was half the fun. It’s another example of globalization with conglomerates such as say, Starbucks moving in and squeezing out the little guy even though I do appreciate their coffee. Now, I gaze at the empty building where they had a going out of business sale. I really don’t buy videos much but I went in just to say good-bye and bought “The Motorcyle Diaries” and “The Weatherman.” I told the red-haired cutie-pie guy that I was going to miss the place and he said that he was, too. I said “It’s too bad.” He agreed. He was so cool, he commented that I had picked two good movies. I thanked him wishing I could do something.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
itacaregaucho reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Good work, it’s has a nice flow. In my city is too hard rent a movies. I can not found place respect the copyright. Here in my city is possible rent only DVD with bad quality (but cheap price $1,3 dollar)
Keep writing, is good to against stress life!
Aloha!
- add/view comments (1)
L8NiteBluz reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This is so well written. It’s simple, in that it chronicles a rather benign part of everyday life, but it captures those moments with a clarity and lack of wordiness that other blogs I’ve read have not. This one was a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing.
stmike reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
A sad story indeed. It had a very local and grounded tone which I liked. It was a very easy read, a bit disjointed in the grammar but it gave the piece a stream of consciousness feel to it, which I also enjoyed.
As a publishable piece though, I think there needs to be some editing.
-The grammar, I think, does need to be fixed. If you want to maintain the flow of the current piece, it’s still possible. There are some modifiers that are out of place and sound awkward right now.
-I think, since this piece is short, that your words need to work harder. The piece is about Video Town. But the first few sentences are about the cat, the music, the reason why the speaker has a day off, which really doesn’t have much to do with the subject matter and the transition to it is not too strong. I think you should either lengthen the piece and include the “setting up” or intensify the setup to address and inform some of the ideas you are exploring in the closing down of the Video shop. This is essentially creative nonfiction, and the artistic license granted to you is quite vast, so creative perspectives on normal day things in order to build your theme is very much permissible.
-Lastly, I think an inclusion of stories that you’ve experienced in the store would enhance this down-to-earth feel of the store much more. It would give a more concrete sense of this specific store to your readers and give us a reason to root and mourn with the speaker.
anyway, hope that was helpful. good luck. =)
Masterson reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I enjoyed reading this, because it’s very personal, and it lends itself a unique voice. I enjoyed reading that you consciously, or unconsciously obsess over a “red-haired pie guy.” The way you sketch these characters derived from reality in your writing parallels the way a cartoonist would gesture and caricatures reality into being something simple, interesting, and lively on paper. The writing is in itself, fascinating as a gesture sketch- very much in a phase of jotting down immediate thoughts and ideas with conviction.
EndersFan reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I really enjoy your writing. It’s as if you were telling me the story yourself, and I wasn’t reading it. It’s sad that monopolies have such power, and I have also seen many small businesses (that were much better than the big businesses that replaced them) go out of business. It’s a shame. You did a great job enveloping a social problem into a personal story. Beautiful. I hope your cat gets better.
broderj reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Nice and intereting and so true. the mom and pop stores and the bargain stores except for a few are being sandwiched out of business. I didnt enjoy the cat barf part though!
Oubliette reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Awe… I hate it when great small places go out of business. I prefer small local places. The prices are usually cheaper, the employees USUALLY nicer (I’ve been to some small town places where they were actually quite snippy – but I attributed it to the stress of keeping up a small business with all the monster corporations out there) and the quality is sometimes better as well because they take greater care. They have to be amazing if they want to stay in business.
I think this is a good piece, where a lot of people can really relate. However, you sort of throw the reader off by mentioning your sick cat (God bless the cat, and I hope it gets better). You see, regardless of the title, people WILL think the cat will become the bulk of the topic. So, it’s best to be careful how you start, and make certain not to set false expectations for the reader as to what they are reading about.
NavyGirl reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I hope your cat will be alright. I have five cats of my own and I just adore animals. I liked your blo. I think you might be good at Life writing for a Magazine.
Serenity46 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
What a nice blog aside from the few errors in punctution etc. Isnt it funny how we do notice things in life that stay in our minds such as friendly service, nice people, and how things are and sometimes we hate changes. Motorcycle diaries was a brilliant movie by the way…well done
February 11, 2007
Deleted User
Review of Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
There are a bunch of places in this that require the natual pause of either a comma or a semi-colon.
Overall, it is an excellent premise of how large companies continue to take out the little man, making sure that we never even have a chance.
Overall, it is a good piece. Thanks for sharing. Good luck.
Showing 1 - 10 of 12
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
12 Reviews 20 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 1 Time
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
