Lyrics / Want Me

Well the rhythm was great, I kind of rapped/sang it out loud.  I can sort of relate to the part: “I am a forgettable mess cluttered with bad memories

I am a blob of empty the one no one sees” because I do have bad memories and I feel like no one understands me, even my close friends and family.

I actually feel like there could be one more verse to this song.  However, the lyrics are still very good.  It just needs the right music.  

I couldn’t help but sing along to this,  your chorus was so similar to the Cheap Trick song.

The words “talentless lass” are a little rough on the tongue.

All in all this is a piece that’s hard to say without hearing it. For now it seems somewhat unoriginal.

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March 28, 2007

by Rol

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LIttle harsh, but appreciated.

April 10, 2007

by Joon

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it very well may not be as unoriginal as it sounds with music to it, but like I said I can’t get the cheap trick song out of my head. Hearing it with music might help with that.

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Ooh! I like that. I wish I could hear it. As I read, I tried to put a tune to the words, but that is really not my knack.
Two little things:

“I’m a dark storm cloud pleas coming with the rains” Is this correct? I can’t connect the words into a thought that follows the rest of the song.

The final stanza/verse, it seems there should be one more line here. Maybe it is just my anal side wanting all three to match, but maybe something like…
I need someone to see me, to take me by the hand
To recognize my beauty, before I leave this land.

Or something such as that. You know, just to end on the same note as you began. But as a whole, I find no fault with it. :-)

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March 23, 2007

by Rol

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the last is supposed to be a bridge.  Sorry, the breaks didn’t come thru when posted.  I can’t remember what the cloud line is supposed to be.  Let me look & I’ll post another remark.  I know that’s wrong because it doesn’t make sense to me either.  thanks for your input.

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I like this lyric…I’m not sure on the genre of this lyric, but I really like it. It has a lot of colorful words and I like the emotion that is being expressed. I think that you did a good job of portraying that “wantness of being in place” that everybody in life wants. No one likes to be lonely. And the way that you describes the pain of loneliness is marvelous and realistic; meaning it doesn’t feel “fake.” I really enjoy reading this and I hope to read more of your lyrics.

Rhythm is fairly even throughout. But contents don’t go anywhere. Some girl perched on her pitypot and won’t get off. Whats next—-suicide?

Nice lyrics – reminds me of a Spanish song in which the lyrics go on about all her faults – and it really works.  I wonder what sort of genre the song will be – I think rock would work well.  Too slow and it might come across as too needy?  

Also you have a chorus – maybe you could add a refrain or bridge too?

Just my thoughts – hope they help.

it’s = its