Poetry / shattered girl

a vicious man
shattered the girl
broke her spirit
she wept

the shards are still deep
the pain lingers
a needle pulling skin
hoping to change the pain
free it somehow
she bleeds

she moves through life
shadows of her past
still chasing
haunting every step
every look
every breath
she sighs

hope intercedes
a spark of awareness
of passion
of need
she plays and sings

escape across the ocean
a moment’s respite
a simple life of renewal
she lives

Reviews

February 08, 2007

anonymitysucks

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
80	61.1% (18 votes)	35.9%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
19	F	Cleveland, OH	September 21

anonymitysucks reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

i would suggest that you perhaps change “the girl” to “a girl”...call it aesthetics, but i think it seems to fit a bit better. i’ve reread this several times, and there seems to be a certain rhythm to it- deep/bleeds step/breath intercede/need
you’re selling yourself short on word choice. i can see your potential.
although it’s simple, i really like it :)

• add/view comments (0)

There are no comments on this review.

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

Showing 1 - 1 of 1